HELLRAISER
A film review by Robert Dorsett
Copyright 1987 Robert Dorsett
***SPOILERS***
This review contains spoilers, but believe me, I don't say anything you can't guess 10 minutes into the movie.
I *did* go into this one with high expectations. I had been exposed to media reports that this film would signify a departure from the slasher flicks. I sort of expected another EXORCIST or THE SHINING. I even put aside my general rule of not seeing this type of film. Boy, was I wrong! Another garbage slasher flick, the only difference being that *this* one has a story!
The story, you ask? Well, a scumball buys a Chinese puzzle from a guy in an Arab souk. He takes it home, somehow getting it past Customs :-) and starts fiddling with it in his attic. Lo and behold, after he takes it apart, three demons appear and start taking him apart, but with meat hooks. When they're finished, his gizzards are hanging from the ceiling. They botch up their cleanup job, however, and manage to leave his heart (or some gland; I didn't really recognize the organ) under a floorboard. The guy's brother and his brother's wife appear at the door soon after, and decide to move in. They throw away Scumball's belongings, and set up house. Turns out that Wife is a bit of a nympho, and screwed around with Scumball right before her marriage. She starts having some wild hallucinations. Later, Hubby spills some blood on the attic floorboards (slow-mo special effects of the buckets of blood hitting the ground--all from the tiny cut on his hand). Said blood is eagerly sucked up by Scumball's Organ. The Organ grows into a Thing that requires Yet More Blood in order to complete the Regeneration into a Really Ugly Thing. It establishes mind contact with Wife, who agrees to help him get more blood, because she really wants to be screwed again. So, she helps him kill three businessmen. Scumball, at this time, gradually gets his strength back and grows all his organs back. Problem is, he doesn't have any skin, and even after three or four corpses, still doesn't get any skin. He finally gets some, though, but strangely enough, he ends up looking like his brother. Guess they couldn't get the original actor back. Who knows.
Scumball (whose name is Frank) is not a nice guy. He describes his torture by the demons fondly, as the "ultimate pleasure and pain, since at that level there is no difference between the two." Somehow, I don't see getting torn apart by 90 fish- and meat-hooks a lot of fun. This guy is *so* bad ("How bad *is* he?"), *so* bad that the *rats* cower in a corner in fear. For good reason, too; he crucifies two of them for fun, and carves a third while the Nympho's horsing around with Hubby.
Anyway. Hubby's Daughter (who, if course, is not *WIFE'S* daughter) starts to suspect something is wrong after she sees Wife going into the attic with one of her johns and the ensuing screams. The dumb bimbo meets Scumball, and is not impressed. She manages to escape with the Chinese Puzzle, and brings out the demons.
At any rate, the demons are pissed off that they screwed up their cleanup; they're normally quite meticulous about that type of thing. The story boils down to the demons trying to correct their mistake. The demons are not, however, the good guys. The dumb bimbo's the good guy. She somehow not only gets them to take care of Frank, but also banishes them to Hell or oblivion, we're not too sure which. Not too shabby for someone with single-digit IQ.
This is basically a "bad jinn" story. It is an *awful* movie. Awful acting, bad focus in the photography, many scenes of skin being penetrated by meathooks, which is really unrealistic, and looks like the latex that it is. Continuity? Who cares. Acting? *Terrible*. Script? Horrible. Sounds canned. Unrealistic. Story is so-so, but the impact is lost long, long before the film ends.
I do think the *rat* acting was quite good. I have never seen rats look afraid. They should get nominated for an award. Really good acting there, the best in the movie. "The envelope for Best Furry Rodent, please..."
A "one star out of four" rating would be far too generous. A "1/10" rating (or -4 in the -4 to +4 rating system) is far more accurate. This movie is so bad that people in the audience were laughing, chortling at the bad acting and crummy dialog. I can see this film turning into the next ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW. People were getting so fed up they were yelling warnings up to the characters on the screen. Had to have something to do. Dumb, dumb, dumb movie. I was embarrassed that I spent money to see it.
It goes without saying that I disagree with the other reviews on the board that attempt to review the film for itself. Lots of slime and red-dyed corn syrup does not constitute "horror," in my opinion.
Robert Dorsett {allegra,seismo}!sally!ngp!walt!mentat
University of Texas at Austin {allegra,seismo}!sally!ngp!mentat
mentat@auscso.UUCP
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