I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER 1997
A film review by Timothy Voon
Copyright 1997 Timothy Voon
1 :-) for an amusing old fisherman's tale
Cast: Jennifer Love Hewitt, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Ryan Phillippe, Freddie Prinze Jr., Anne Heche, Muse Watson Director: Jim Gillespie Screenplay: Kevin Williamson based on the novel by Lois Duncan
>From a psychopathic serial killer point of view, why is it more fun to murder blondes? This post-teen slasher-hacker, man-with-hook gore fest consist of two blondes and two brunettes. It becomes cliche if I told you the blondes are a bitchy bimbo beauty queen and a wealthy boozing boastful bastard, whilst the brunettes carry brains and better disposition. So who lives and who dies actually becomes a little dependant on hair colour and the associated characteristics that go along with it. Nobody wants to see likeable characters become victims of a butchering heaven, so unleash the wrath of the monster on those who deserve it the most - the blonde bitch and her bitchier sister, the bastard boyfriend with blonde hair and the uptight brunette who should have been a blonde.
If fair was fair and not dependant on the colour of your hair, everybody should have died by the end of this movie. This is the tale of a murder within a murder. Four high school grads make the imprudent mistake of concealing a crime that will haunt them forever. Their actions cannot be justified by the fact that the person they ran over deserved to die. What were they thinking? Run a dog over and hope that it won't bite again? Personally I thought they did a good job. With speeds estimated at 110 kms/hr it is unlikely the average human being could have survived such a collision. However, we are referring to the average monster tormentor from hell and these have a tendency to live forever. So run the beast down with a car and he'll keep coming after you. Drown him in the murky depths of a lagoon and he'll open his eyes and wink at you. Cut of his hand and fling him into the sea and he'll rise again for more fun.
So I did scream aloud once in this movie, and embarrassingly so. It was just a loud noise but then again, I'm the jumpy sort and finger shadows on the wall could scare the daylights out of me. However, I didn't find this movie as terrifying as "Scream" - purely because there was twice as much blood curdling screams, multiple mutilating stab wounds and entrails galore in the latter. But still there is enough blood spilt in this movie to keep a vampire happy in it's grave this summer. So I did like this movie's quaint perspective on butchering the blonde and the beautiful, but I disliked the ordinariness of the villain made out to be as frightening as my Uncle Ted gone fishing. If you gave me a hook, a hood and hat, I'd probably think you were going on a holiday.
So last summer was rather forgettable despite the fact we ran a man over with a car, dumped his body in the sea and tried to lead normal lives after. Perhaps next summer we should resurrect the two young lovers separated by an accident and death. That way the monster with the hook will be motivated to write uplifting notes like:
"I'm sorry I tried to kill you last summer. Let's kiss and make up." "Forgive and Forget. Let's get together for a BBQ." "Peace. I only use my hook for the laundry now."
There's nothing better than a peaceful solution to what happened last summer.
Timothy Voon e-mail: stirling@netlink.com.au
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