FIRESTORM
A Film Review by James Berardinelli
RATING: * OUT OF ****
United States, 1998 U.S. Release Date: 1/9/98 (wide) Running Length: 1:28 MPAA Classification: R (Violence, profanity) Theatrical Aspect Ratio: 2.35:1
Cast: Howie Long, Scott Glenn, William Forsythe, Suzy Amis, Christianne Hirt Director: Dean Semler Producers: Thomas M. Hammel, Joseph Loeb III, Matthew Weisman Screenplay: Chris Soth Cinematography: Stephen F. Windon Music: J. Peter Robinson U.S. Distributor: Twentieth Century Fox
I can think of three reasons why Howie Long will likely never be a major action star:
1. He doesn't have a hard-to-decipher accent, 2. He doesn't always speak in a monotone, and 3. His face doesn't always wear the same impassive expression.
In short, the former NFL player turned FOX sportscaster turned actor is too good to be bad, but too bad to be good. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said of his first star vehicle, FIRESTORM, which is just plain awful.
One of the most glaring problems with Long (who made his acting debut in John Woo's BROKEN ARROW) is that he's so mediocre that he often blends in with the scenery. As ace firefighter Jesse Graves, Long is supposed to be playing a bigger-than-life action hero -- the kind of he- man who will crash through a flaming door to save a child or parachute into a burning clearing to rescue some stupid campers. Unfortunately, despite the best efforts of first-time director Dean Semler to photograph Long using heroic shots that make Kevin Costner's work in THE POSTMAN look stark, Jesse turns out to be a pretty boring good guy.
To put it kindly, this is not a well-written motion picture. FIRESTORM is a collection of howlingly bad lines set against a backdrop of disaster movie clichés which, taken together, form something that requires a level of viewer inebriation to be recognized as a plot. The only reason this film is getting one star (instead of something lower) is that most of the fire sequences are realistic, and I was fascinated by the meticulous planning that must have been necessary to stage them effectively.
We're introduced to Our Big Burly Hero one afternoon when he and some colleagues jump into the midst of a forest fire to save a group of people. During this sequence, Our Big Burly Hero proves that he's also A Sensitive Guy by risking his life to save a little girl and her dog (yes, the dog lives) from being broiled alive. Flash-forward a year. Now, Our Big Burly Hero is taking over as chief of his smokejumpers association, replacing outgoing honcho Wynt Perkins (real actor Scott Glenn). But this day, Our Big Burly Hero's first in charge, isn't going to be business-as-usual. A group of Nasty Escaped Criminals have set a Wyoming forest alight to aid their flight to freedom. Led by Randy Earl Shaye (William Forsythe), The Sadistic Creep Who Must Be Killed Twice to Really Die, they pose as Canadian firefighters who somehow got lost across the border. Along the way, they meet and take hostage The Damsel in Distress (Suzy Amis). Eventually, Our Big Burly Hero is placed in a position where he has to fight the fire, rescue The Damsel in Distress, defeat The Sadistic Creep Who Must Be Killed Twice to Really Die, and restore order to the galaxy.
FIRESTORM's director, Dean Semler, is a former cinematographer (he won an Academy Award for his work on DANCES WITH WOLVES), so it's no surprise that the film looks good. Unfortunately, that's FIRESTORM's lone asset, and it falters near the end, when computer-generated special effects fill up the screen. These are of about equal quality to what you might observe on a Nintendo 64 video game. The action sequences, which include a variety of chases, are occasionally interesting, but never invigorating. Everyone, including Long, appears to be going through the motions.
There isn't a memorable performance to be found from beginning to end, unless you count the forest fire, which generates some heat. As The Sadistic Creep Who Must Be Killed Twice to Really Die, William Forsythe lacks panache. He's worse than a generic bad guy; he's a boring generic bad guy who doesn't have any snappy one-liners to hurl at Our Big Burly Hero. My advice to Scott Glenn (ABSOLUTE POWER) and Suzy Amis (TITANIC) is to accidentally forget this film the next time they're making out a resume.
There's some small comfort in knowing this early in the year that I already have one entry for my Bottom 10 list. (At least I hope there aren't 10 worse films than this.) And I know I wasn't the only one who really disliked this movie. As the audience was filing out of the screening, I loitered in the theater lobby to catch a few comments. The general consensus seemed to be that, although the movie sucked, the promotional key ring was cool. The problem is that Fox won't be giving out key rings to regular movie-goers, so that nixes any reason to see FIRESTORM.
Copyright 1998 James Berardinelli
- James Berardinelli e-mail: berardin@mail.cybernex.net
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