Firestorm (1998)
Director: Dean Semler Cast: Howie Long, Scott Glenn, William Forsythe, Suzy Amis, Rated R: Language, violence
by Nathaniel R. Atcheson (nate@pyramid.net)
Clocking in at just under 90 minutes, I find it simply astonishing that the makers of Firestorm were able to rip off every single action film ever created, using not only the same situations, but the same dialogue, stock-characters, and plot devices. There isn't a unique breath in the lungs of this film; every second is regurgitated directly from classic action films like Die Hard, although most of the material is stuff that we continue to see in second-rate action flicks. It is commendable, really, the level of unoriginality in Firestorm, for it must have taken a lot of time and hard work to ensure that every element of the film is the result of cinematic plagiarism.
Firestorm stars Howie Long. People who follow films and not sports (like me) will remember him as one of the bad guys in Broken Arrow; the rest of you are supposed to know him from football. I don't have any qualms against the guy; he's not a terrible actor (though he could use a few lessons on how to sound more natural when speaking dialogue), and he manages to command a reasonable screen presence (he is, after all, an enormous individual). He seems pretty nice, too.
But he can't pick a script if his life depended on it. Broken Arrow was one thing, but Firestorm...such a pity. His character's name is Jesse Graves. In a pointless message preceding the film, we are explained that out of the thousands of firefighters in the country, there are only 400 who are qualified "smokejumpers." Smokejumpers, as the name implies, jump out of airplanes, directly into the fires to stop them from the inside. I didn't understand why the film needed to tell us this in advance, because the conflicts in the film have nothing to do with this profession, and the fact that Jesse is a smokejumper only comes into play once during the film.
Like all dumb action movies, the story is silly and simple, but irritating to explain. The evil bad guy Randy Earl Shaye (William Forsythe) arranges for a forest fire to be set so that he gets put on a crew to go and put out of the fire. He enlists the help of several other prisoners. Of course, his efforts to escape are initially successful, but as soon as they randomly run into the military-trained bird watcher woman (Suzy Amis), things go awry. That's when the smokejumping part comes in, because Jesse sees the bad guys, dressed up like Canadian firefighters (complete with accents and all!), and parachutes down to them. Soon he finds out they're not who they say they are.
Directed by Dean Semler, Firestorm doesn't look too bad. Some of the cinematography is nice, and one of the action sequences (a fight in a burning trading post) is exciting. Unfortunately, the script is so detestable that nothing in this film is ultimately enjoyable.
Let's start with the Shaye character. He is simply a collaboration of every bad guy you've ever seen. Forsythe plays him with a ridiculous amount of meanness, which helps to show that his actions are pointless and absurd. For instance, he kills off his helpers one-by-one as they're escaping through the forest. This takes almost the entire film, but there's no reason for any of it. He doesn't need their help; it would seem infinitely more logical if he just lined them up and shot them. Instead, he pushes them off cliffs, traps them in burning buildings, and all of this while the other guys aren't looking. Forsythe sneers and hisses his way through the movie, pretending sometimes to be nice to the female hostage, but usually just acting like a licentious pig.
To avoid making this too long, here's the short version of the characters that this film contains: the bad guy who won't die (got to kill him twice!); the strong female character who is completely extraneous to the story; the good bad guy who stands up for the hostages but is ultimately killed by the bad bad guy; the good guy who turns out to have helped the bad guy; and the invincible, good-hearted, bullet-dodging good guy. The film also features gratuitous violence, excessive special effects, implausible action sequences (how much can you really do running around in a forest?), and by-the-book meter and pacing.
Hopefully, you haven't gotten the idea that I recommend this film. Go to the video store and rent The Rock or something. Ignore this film unless you're crazy about Howie Long. Then, maybe you might enjoy it. As I said, I don't watch football. I follow movies, and I've seen enough of them to know that this one stinks.
>From 0-10: 3 Grade: D-
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Nathaniel R. Atcheson
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