Starship Troopers (1997)
Seen on 3 January 1998 for $3 at the Cineplex Odeon Worldwide
There are some movies you go to, no matter how dumb you know they are going to be, because you want to see the gorgeous star, or you want to see giant arachnids eat people and cut them in two, or just because you were bored one Saturday afternoon and $3 is a good price to pay for crap. Guilty on all counts in my trip to Starship Troopers, and in the words of Bart Simpson, it was "craptastic." The special effects were spectacular, but the story left a lot to be desired.
Set in one of those not-so-distant futures, the Earth is ruled by the one-world government of the Federation, where you only become a citizen if you serve your planet with military service; everyone else is merely a "civilian," none of whom are allowed to vote. Part of this one-world lifestyle is that a city like Buenos Aires is populated by WASPy looking teenages with perfect teeth. They even call it "BA." Why not just set it in LA and get it over with already?
The Earth is being run by veterans and it's threatened by Klandathu, a planet run by arachnids whose meteors threaten send their bug eggs to us, and endangering our one-world way of life, and our perfect teeth.
In what clearly is *Beverly Hills 90210* versus *Them*, the heros are the high school graduates of Buenos Aires High School--the dumb stud Johnny Rico (Casper van Dien, unknown except for One Life to Live viewers), his brainy girlfriend Carmen Ibanez (Denise Richards), his genius friend Carl Jenkins (Neil Patrick Harris, best known as Doogie Howser), and the girl who loves him, Dizzy Flores (Dina Meyer).
Johnny's parents don't want him to join the military, but you know how kids are in the not-so-distant future. They have minds of their own. Johnny, however, thinks with his penis (the only part of his body we do not see in this movie), and joins the mobile infantry to impress Carmen. Of course, being 18 and smart, she is put in charge of a big spaceship almost immediately, and flies with Zander Barcalow (Patrick Muldoon, of *Melrose Place* and *Days of Our Lives*). All the while, Johnny is in boot camp, where his new best friend is also his obnoxious rival, Ace Levey (Jake Busey).
Soon, it turns out that the "bugs" are much smarter than anyone ever thought, and 12 million people are killed, including most of the beloved folks of "BA." This allows the movie to degenerate quickly into nonstop action, as humans have to fight off endless hordes of giant human-slicing, gore-producing arachnids, on their planet.
The special effects really are fantastic, but the second half makes almost no sense. At one point, space ships are able to incinerate most of the bugs, but when the fortress is surrounded by bugs, that ability disappears. The laser weapons used at boot camp also disappear, and the gang is fighting off the bugs with machine guns. HUH? Oh, and if they can fly across the galaxy, why can't the giant spaceships get out of harm's way?
The movie does feature one very interesting and entertaining element: the Federation's propaganda ads, exhorting people to join the army, do their part, and crush bugs while mother's look on delightedly. The ads bring out the movie's subversive side, poking at the fascist veteranocracy running the world. But, once war breaks out, it's all-out "save the Earth with your bare hands with your high school friends." The intelligent injections of satire, which worked so well in directory Paul Verhoeven's liberal sci-fi movie *Robocop*, just adds to the movie's mayhem. Obscure jokes, the the Mormon's planet colony, will be lost on most people.
So, if you like this sort of nonsense, you will love Starship Troopers. You'll go for the special effects, but you will stay for Casper van Dien's buttocks in the co-ed showers.
Based on the then-controversial novel by Robert A. Heinlein.
Rated R for graphic sci-fi violence and gore, and for some language and nudity.
More movie reviews by Seth Bookey, with graphics, can be found at http://www.geocities.com/Athens/2679/kino.html
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