CATS DON'T DANCE (G)
Directed by Mark Dindal Running Time: 75 minutes Originally Released: March 26, 1997
Reviewed by E. Benjamin Kelsey
* * (out of four)
It makes me sad that I can essentially expect a "kid" film to be bad. Even sadder is the fact that Hollywood puts such low levels of effort into these. And so it is with yet another family film, CATS DON'T DANCE, an animated musical set in the 1930's.
CATS DON'T DANCE tells the story of Danny (voiced by Scott Bakula), a young cat with the dream of becoming a star. From his little hometown in Indiana, Danny sets out to Hollywood, determined that because he loves acting, singing, and dancing, he should have no problem becoming a success within the first week. It isn't long before Danny finds himself playing a small role in the new Darla Dimple film. Darla (spoken voice by Ashley Peldon; singing by Lindsay Rideway) is America's sweetheart, known for her excessive sweetness, yet actually brutally cruel to all those she works with. Like an anti-Shirley Temple, Darla finds a particular bone to pick with Danny, whose enthusiasm is a bit much for the production.
After a negative first day on the set, Danny can feel his naive hopes being crushed under the weight of reality. But on the set, Danny also makes a couple of friends: Tillie Hippo (Kathy Najimy), T.W. (Don Knotts), a depressed turtle with bad luck and the fortune cookie fortunes to prove it, and most importantly, Sawyer (spoken by Jasmine Guy; sung by Natalie Cole), an attractive female cat. It is these animals who must bond together to face Hollywood, a world that doesn't care enough about its non-human actors. Determined to show the humans what they're made of, the group then decides to make a film of their own, all the while Darla growing more and more enraged at their existance.
The problem is, CATS DON'T DANCE was so hectic, I actually had a hard time telling what was going on, or even what the characters were saying half the time. This movie had the ability to distract from itself by being so overly busy, which, if you can't tell, is a very bad sign. Not only the animation quality (which was very two-dimensional and boring), but the comedic devices and storyline played more like a Saturday morning episode of "Loony Toons" than an elaborate Disney production. Don't get me wrong - I'm not requiring that all animated films be on the same level as BEAUTY AND THE BEAST, but films like CATS DON'T DANCE don't deserve a run in theaters. In fact, even the direct to video market seems a bit higher quality than this.
Being a musical, CATS DON'T DANCE sure lets us down in the song department as well. There are no catchy tunes that you'll find yourself humming after the movie, and there are no songs that even attempt to turn this film into a magical experience. Most of the songs are so uneffective, you might find yourself using them as an excuse for a bathroom break!
The voice talents here aren't so bad, but they don't have a good enough script to hang on. Knotts' T.W. Turtle is the most fun, but he isn't used nearly enough. Positive note should be given to Matthew Harried as Pudge, the cute, chubby little penguin who winds up being the most enamoring aspect of the film. But even as cute as Pudge is, he's nothing that makes this film worth seeing.
CATS DON'T DANCE is worthy of two stars because older little kids will probably find enough to be entertained, and at least the premise is somewhat original. There is also a fun part at the end where we get a slideshow of famous movie posters, altered to fit the animal stars (example: FREE TILLY with the hippo replacing the whale). But as incredibly dull as the rest of the film was, I can't really say it's a worthwhile effort. As overplayed as they are by now, you'll probably be better off pulling an old Disney video off the shelf again - at least you know you'll have something to whistle afterward.
February 04, 1998
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