SGT. PEPPER'S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND (PG)
Directed by Michael Schultz Running Time: NA Originally Released: 1978
Reviewed by E. Benjamin Kelsey
zero (out of four stars)
Whether you like the Beatles or not, nobody wants to see the Bee Gee's take on some of the Fab Four's best known songs. Well, maybe that's not true . . . maybe you're curious, the way you have to look in your hanky after you blow your nose. You just have to know how bad bad can be. If that's the case, rejoice, because it was twenty years ago today (or so) that SGT. PEPPER'S LONELY HEARTS CLUB BAND was released (unleashed?) to the world, and thanks to our modern technological advances, you can find this retched piece of filmmaking on VHS.
Derived from the lyrics of various Beatles' songs, SGT. PEPPER'S tells the story of the fictitious band made popular from the song (and album) of the same name, released in 1967. Of course, the movie was made eleven years later, the Gibbs three have become the Lonely Hearts, Peter Frampton is the one and only Billy Shears, and aside from being about a rock band, the story doesn't correlate to the song at all. And oh, what joy - we're the lovely audience they'd like to take home with them. I don't think so. But at least these characters are actually *people* in a Beatles' song, whereas other characters such as Strawberry Fields (Sandy Farina) gets her name from a song about a *place* called Strawberry Fields. The debate over this is really quite futile when it comes down to it, because all the film really has to offer is a feast of horrid cover tunes, embarrassing cameo appearances (George Burns?! Steve Martin?!? ALICE COOPER?!?!), and UUUUUUGGGGGGGLLLLLLLYYYYY 70's fashion and faces. Check please!
The plot is a bit unclear. People with bad 70's hair run around in leisure suits engaging in music video sequences that look like a sick and twisted world of make-believe from an overly demented Mr. Rogers. Mean Mr. Mustard (Frankie Howerd) somehow gets hold of all Billy & Co.'s instruments, calling Dr. Maxwell Edison (Steve Martin with a silver hammer and an out-of-key singing voice), the Sun King, Marvin Sunk (Alice Cooper!), and a couple of creepy robots to his aid. Supposedly this is a horrible thing? I guess in Heartland, the talent is pretty non-existent. Meanwhile, the Lonely Hearts are off doing the classic "sex, drugs, and rock n' roll" thing, leaving poor Strawberry Fields without her true love, Billy. She sets out to find him, leaving her poor dad and mom (Mrs. Fields! Hey, wanna cookie?) all alone to sing a horrible rendition of "She's Leaving Home", accompanied by those same creepy robots. But is Billy getting it on with Lucy (Dianne Steinberg)? Ya know, the diamond possessing girl who hangs out in the sky? Well, there's some crazy chick singing soprano on the roof of a building next to a bus stop, and I assume that's who it was.
It's movies like this that make ya sit back and ask the unanswerable question, "What the hell were they thinking???" Nobody will ever know, but as a novelty, SGT. PEPPER'S is one to examine. Carol Channing, Robert Palmer, Keith Carradine - they're all here. But why???? Who knows. It's irrelevant. There's as much meaning to be found here as there is to be found in your belly-button lint, although the latter may be more interesting. With the recent onslaught of 70's nostalgia in the movie world (THE ICE STORM, BOOGIE NIGHTS, reissues of the STAR WARS trilogy, etc.), let's pray this doesn't get a special 20th anniversary, second-chance in theaters. In the words of Paul McCartney, live and let die. In fact, bury this one while you still can.
February 07, 1998
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