TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES (1990)
Starring: Judith Hoag (April O'Neil), Elias Koteas (Casey Jones), a bunch of guys in turtle suits
Directed by: Steve Barron, Written by: Todd W. Langen, Based on a story by: Kevin Eastman, Peter Laird, and Bobby Herbeck
Rated PG by the MPAA for violence and mild language.
Reviewed by Doug Skiles
Well folks, last week I went to go check out THE REPLACEMENT KILLERS. Not a bad flick, thanks largely to Chow Yun-Fat. However, when I saw it, I also saw the trailer for WILD THINGS with Kevin Bacon, Neve Campbell, and Denise Richards. I fell ill at this. I have never seen a more idiotic-looking film trailer in all my life. This is worse than BATMAN & ROBIN's trailer. This film looks like the total scum of the movie world. If it grosses dollar one in its opening weekend, I'll have to fear for humanity.
Naturally, this turned me off to going to the theater for a little bit, in fear of seeing it again (cue cold chill running down my spine here). I'll go back for DARK CITY, but right now it's just stay home, watch tv, yadda yadda. And lo and behold, what's this? Why it's 1990's TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES film. And you know what? I'm going to shock you all by saying this, but it's not a bad film at that. In fact, it's pretty fun.
I remember seeing these turtle flicks before. This would be the good one. A nice, dark vision of New York (quite the cool production design), and of course, four turtles and a rat. If you don't know the old story of the "green machine," it goes like this - a glass jar with four baby turtles fell into the sewer and shattered, leaving them to crawl around in some radioactive ooze that was coming out of a nearby cannister that also fell down there. So, when a rat from Japan (whose owner had recently been killed after moving to America, leaving him to crawl through the sewer) comes across the turtles and decides to take care of them, it gets some ooze on himself, too, and of course, they all grow and become intelligent. The rat teaches the turtles the martial arts and he saw his previous master practice so many times before, and gives them all names of renaissance artists: Lenardo, Raphael, Michaelangelo, and Donatello. Oh, and the rat's named Splinter. I don't know why. In the course of this movie, they also become friends with a Judith Hoag who plays the new reporter April O'Neil, and with another avenger of justice, who happens to have a fetish for sports equipment, named Casey Jones. That's Elias Koteas. And of course, there happens to be this huge crime wave sweeping New York, crimes committed by the Japanese Foot Clan, which is led by the mysterious man known as The Shredder (James Saito, voiced by David McCharen). Who's gonna stop this? I'll give you three guesses, and the first two don't count.
This whole thing sounds like a bad Troma (TM) film, but it turns out to be pretty fun. The turtles all have discernable personalities, and they're fun ones at that. They tend to make a lot of jokes, and just about all of the wisecracks hit home. It's not just a bunch of now-old-news pop culture references, as I remember the third film being chock-full of. This is stuff that could actually still seem funny years from now. Koteas makes a memorable role himself here, if not an entirely fulfilling one - he could've used more screen time. Hoag is also good in her part, doing a fine job at portraying the disbelieving friend of the large reptiles.
But the real stars here are the turtles, and rightfully so. The technical expertise on display in the turtles' (and Splinter's) suits is still impressive now, eight years later. The facial expressions they get out of these animatronic outfits are amazing. To this day, the only thing to top this or come close would be the Mangalores in THE FIFTH ELEMENT. This was all done thanks to Jim Henson's workshop of puppeteers. Henson died two months after this film was released. Though his family and many others still work to make his legacy live on, this movie is just another reason why he will be missed.
Another great thing about this show? It's so damn loyal its roots. The original (four?) issues of Eastman and Laird's dark Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comic book are replicated pretty faithfully by the movie's plot - now there's something you don't see very often in comic films today. This sure kicks the pants off of a comic-based movie like BATMAN & ROBIN. Sure, the blood is gone, and there's more humor - and the turtles wear different colored masks - but otherwise, this follows that original series nicely down to the big finish.
So go on, don't be afraid, I don't care how old you are - if you have the time, check out TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES. You might want to avoid the sequels unless you really love the turtles.
Incidentally, what was with Tatsu's (Toshirô Obata, voiced by Michael McConnohie) funky hand signals when he said "Go, play" to that one kid in the warehouse? That just killed me. Unintentional comedy there, I'd say.
If you can never watch any film with such a premise, refuse to accept it, or just hate these turtles, then you can drop my rating down about 1/2 a star or maybe a full star. If you're a huge turtle fan (I don't think there's any of those left... hello? Hello out there?) then you can add on another 1/2 star. But if you're like me, and you're in the mood for a weird, fun time...
RATING: ***
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