Darkman (1990)
This is absolutely, without a doubt, the worst movie that I've ever seen. If you want to see a proper review, then you're in the wrong place. This is how vividly this movie stuck to me as the most horrible excuse for entertainment I've ever encountered: I can remember the reason I saw this movie, where, when, and I can especially remembering having thoughts about walking out of the theater. You must know that if I had had anything better to do, I would have left. (In fact, I've never walked out on a movie.)
But I had absolutely nothing to do, so I sat there and suffered. I was intrigued how anything so pathetic could have made it to the theaters. When I think of a movie that rates as a "0 star" movie, I look for: bad plot bad screenplay bad acting bad directing bad editing
Darkman truly delivers in every single bad category. It lacks any sense of purpose, plot, or entertainment value. There are dozens of movies which I could name that I'd gladly watch before I'd watch this movie again. Movies which people consistently rate 1/2 stars.
The major thing that mystifies me about this, uh (shall I say it?) movie is that there was a sequel. (Okay, only on video. But there were two sequels.) It makes me sad to think that there was any interest in this trash enough to let it linger. I have heard a rumor that either Siskel or Ebert gave it a good rating. If so, rest assured that either they were given a large sum of money to do so or they truly are the most inept of critics. Any critic that would have a positive
If all of my words have made you want to see it for the sake of adventure, then no doubt you have the same idea I had when I failed to leave the theater. I knew that this movie was insidious and yet I kept watching. Let's just say that curiosity will kill you on this one.
Note that Sam Raimi directed - a pseudonym used by permission of the Director's Guild if I'm not mistaken. I would be most interested to know the true culprit. I would like to ask him, "What were you thinking?"
It might be Bradford May - the guy who directed the two Darkman sequels and a director of foreign TV movies. I've never seen any of his other stuff.
He also directed "The Amy Fisher Story" and "Madonna: Innocence Lost." I have a feeling that this guy's stuff isn't quite what I'd call "quality."
One final note: I have not seen either Darkman II or III. I can imagine that these movies must be just as terrible as the original. Don't bother warning me about them, I will never see them.
Billy
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