"LOST IN SPACE" review by R. L. Strong
New Line Cinema Presents A Prelude Pictures Production in association with Irwin Allen Productions A Stephen Hopkins film Gary Oldman William Hurt "LOST IN SPACE" Matt LeBlanc Mimi Rogers Heather Graham Lacey Chabert Jack Johnson Jared Harris Music by Bruce Broughton Animatronic Creatures by Jim Henson's Creature Shop Edited by Ray Lovejoy Production Design by Norman Garwood Director of Photography Peter Levy, A.C.E. Co-Executive Producer Michael Ilitch, Executive Producers: Mace Neufeld Bob Rehme Richard Saperstein, Michael De Luca JR Produced by: Akiva Goldsman, Stephen Hopkins, Mark W. Koch & Carla Fry Screenplay by Akiva Goldsman Directed by Stephen Hopkins
Running Time: 130 minutes Rated PG-13 for scenes of violence and offensive language
First off, let me state categorically, that I was never a fan of the original TV series "Lost in Space" or it's Disney source "Swiss Family Robinson". That being said, let me sum up this review in as few words as possible... Tedious, Meandering, and worse of all, Boring. We are introduced to the plot with a spectacularly dizzying space battle between Earth's forces defending their under-construction space warp portal, from an unknown group of terrorists. Matt LaBlanc as Major Don West commands one of the fighter ships and easily destroys the attackers and rescues his best friend without so much as building a sweat. The reasoning for this Space Warp Portal is for the eventual evacuation of planet Earth for the greener pastures of another planet in a far distant galaxy. It seems that Earth is on the verge of environmental collapse and it's up to renowned scientist John Robinson to journey to the distant planet to establish the construction of a second Portal. This is explained in such a way that it sets up the drama but also leaves a tremendous plot hole. John Robinson has decided to take his entire family with him on this excursion to a distant world. But on a ship as large as the Jupiter 2 you would expect a full crew of technicians and mechanics and laborers to help facilitate this enormous project. But no, only the Robinson family and their new pilot Don West are set to be on board. Dr. Zachary Smith is in the employ of the terrorists intent on destroying the space portal (for what purpose is never explained). Having botched an earlier attempt, Smith is plied into sabotaging the Jupiter 2's Robot, re-programming it to destroy the Jupiter 2 and kill the Robinson family. Dr. Smith boards the ship without so much as a beep from any security system (which is highly unlikely considering the war-like atmosphere surrounding the project), and succeeds in doing his dirty work. And just to make maters worse, his employer then calls him on his holographic cell phone and zaps him into unconsciousness. Now of course the ship takes off in a blaze of pyrotechnics and CGI effects. The Robot dutifully emerges from it's storage compartment ominously repeating "Destroy the Robinson's.. Destroy.. Destroy". The Robinson's having enclosed themselves in hyperbolic chambers for the 10 year journey to their new planet, are unaware that the Robot is destroying their navigational system. Just in time, our hero's wake up and stop the Robot before it can cause enough damage as to endanger the franchise. I'm not going to give out anymore of the plot, as from here on the film becomes very episodic. It is paced like a miniseries, with one cliff-hanger coming every 15 minutes. The problem is, these cliffhangers are not suspenseful. Scenes of attacking metallic spiders are almost comical. One interesting bit of short sightedness on the part of the production is that a reference is made that these spider creatures devour their dead. But we never see this. So where this choice piece of information comes from is anybody's guess. But it does make for a nice solution towards the end of the film. And the introduction of a Computer generated monkey like creature is used solely for the purpose of marketing. You can see the plush toys lining the selves, as kids across the country line up to own their very own Blaap (that's what it's called, don't ask me why). This annoyingly cute beastie pops up when you least expect it and for no purpose other that to remind the audience that it's there! The film is loaded with every conceivable clichi. It's familial drama revolves around John Robinson's emotional detachment from his son, Will. Now of course, Will is a technical genius, (Cannon Films Alert!) having build his own Time Machine for a school science project, which for some inexplicable reason comes into play later on in the plot. After the destruction of the Robot, it takes Will Robinson only a few hours to re-build and re-program the machine into a familiar and friendlier companion. Don West is portrayed as an over sexed pre-teen. The dialogue the Matt LaBlanc utters in his attempt to woo Judy Robinson (played by Heather Graham - the Rollergirl from 'Boogie Nights') is utterly childish and unlikable. It's almost like a ten year old impersonating Andrew Dice Clay without the vulgarity. If not for his skills as a pilot, Major Don West would be a strong candidate for Euthanasia. Dr. Zachary Smith is locked in his room for the majority of the film. His character is only brought out when something needs to happen to move the story forward. When he is first locked in his quarters, he smashes everything in his room, for what purpose, we are never told. The women in the film are giving even less to do as the story progresses, becoming by the end of the film nothing more that furniture. While the men are outside of the ship trying to discover an answer to their situation, the women sit back in the spaceship and wait, occasionally looking out through a window. Maureen Robinson, (played by Mimi Rogers) wife to Professor John Robinson is given so little to do, you wonder what the character was included for in the first place. She has neither the warmth nor, seemingly the caring of June Lockhart's character in the original series. Heather Graham, is as well given nothing to do other that to make faces at Matt LaBlanc, in a vain attempt to create sexual tension. I'm sorry to say, but maybe if she had roller skates on.. Gary Oldman is completely wasted in what has become the most enjoyed character in camp celebrity. Oldman's portrayal of Dr. Smith is neither effeminate or masculine. The character is neutered from the start. And having him off screen for more than half of the film is painfully evident, as the picture only really tends to come to life when Oldman is on screen. When Goldman becomes fused with the mechanical spiders later in the plot (which strains credibility on more than one front) his performance is limited to only voice work as physically he is replaced by a not very effective special effect. But credit must be given to Director Hopkins, he has done the one thing no other director has been able to do.. get a bad, and subdued performance from Gary Oldman. Think about it. Oldman may have given poor performances before. But they were always memorable ('Leon' comes to mind, as does 'Bram Stoker's Dracula'), but he's never been boring. Until now that is. William Hurt gives a sleep inducing performance that would have been more convincing had he called it in. While there are moments where Hurt seems to be getting into the camp spirit of the piece, the film resolutely refuses to cater to that. Therefore, Hurt's performance is not given the spotlight the character demands. As for the child actors in the film, the less said the better. While Lacey Chabert (Penny Robinson) and Jack Johnson (Will Robinson) are attractive and personable, again the script short shifts them with superfluous teen angst. Director Hopkins handles the film well enough. But the film seems overly long and disjointed. This is a case of poor editing as the tempo of the film changes constantly in mid-scene. The spider attack sequence is a case in point. While there is some degree of suspense built up to the spider's appearance, it is drained of that energy by the introduction of the aforementioned Blaap creature. And having Will Robinson take control of the Robot and use it like a video game controller to blast the spiders points up a fundamental problem. How can a child handle a problem that an adult cannot. If a 11 year old kid can beat these critters like he was playing a video game, where is the danger?! Hopkins is a director who has shown considerable ability. His earlier films "A Nightmare on Elm Street 5", the underrated "Blown Away" and "The Ghost and the Darkness" proves he is a director capable of handling actors and effects with a sure and steady hand. But here, it's only fair to say that he is overwhelmed. The biggest question I have about the film is the credit of Animatronic Creatures by Jim Henson's Creature Shop. What animatronics were there? If there were any, other than a limb of a spider or the top of Blaap's head, I didnt notice one live effect. So it that isn't the case, I'm afraid we may still be subjected to a Director's cut of this film later on which may include a full grown Blaap. The mind shudders. This film has proven to me, beyond a shadow of a doubt that Avika Goldsman's script for "A Time To Kill" was a fluke! I'm sorry to say, but Mr. Goldsman is rapidly becoming as inept a writer as Joe Esterhaus has ever been. The entire structure of the plot is so convoluted and meandering as to be mind numbing. Scenes are set up without any resolution or explanation (Dr. Smith's breaking of everything in his room), and Character development is ignored until it is required by the plot, which at times contradicts the character. I never thought that I would see a film as poorly written as "BATMAN & ROBIN" again in my lifetime. I guess it pays to be cynical. All in all "Lost in Space" has only one thing going for it. And that's is it's visual effects which are the only reason to see the film. But at 2 hour and 10 minutes. There aren't enough effects to keep ones attention diverted away from how poor this film really is. As much as I disliked the original TV series.. I would definitely recommend those old shows to this overblown tripe.
On a scale of ***** "Lost in Space" rates *= This may not be the worst film of the year. But it's definitely in the running. Copyright 1998 R. L Strong Nothing in this article may be quoted or re-printed with the express written permission of the author.
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