LOST IN SPACE - Opened 3 April 1998 (US); Cast: Gary Oldman, William Hurt, Mimi Rogers, Heather Graham, Matt LeBlanc, Lacey Chabert, Jack Johnson
It's hard to write a movie review from a hospital bed. But it seemed almost appropriate; the only reason I'm in the hospital is that "Lost In Space," billed as thrill-a-minute action, oozed so much sweetness and light I went into insulin shock.
There is some action hidden in there, but "Lost In Space" is really about weird surprises. You'll be surprised at how little sense it makes; you'll be surprised by the almost wooden acting, not-quite-complete computer graphics, and the fact that you actually paid money to watch.
The story of the Dysfunctional Family Robinson is a simple one indeed - Earth is going to pot; the spacecraft Jupiter 2, manned by said Robinsons, is going out looking for a new place for humanity to call home. After forty minutes of tedious attempts at character development, Jupiter 2 finally launches. The villainous Dr. Smith (Gary Oldman) tries to sabotage the trip, but ends up being trapped aboard the craft. They get lost on the way.
The insulin shock comes from the family's attempts to regain some sense of normality. The happily married John and Maureen (William Hurt and Mimi Rogers) aren't so happy; Judy (Heather Graham) has an obnoxious pilot (Matt LeBlanc) chasing after her; boy genius Will (Jack Johnson) is starved for attention; and perky Penny (Lacey Chabert) can't find a decent shopping mall anywhere. By the end of the movie, they're such a perfect nuclear family that you just want them to die horrible deaths at the hands of the newly-mutated Dr. Smith.
This movie has so many plot holes, you could drive a Mack truck full of 60s "Lost In Space" videos through it and never miss a beat. Set just sixty years in the future, most of its technological innovations (from holographic phones to the hyperdrive) are wildly improbable. Even worse is the statement that, between now and then, the Earth will become a single, unified political entity.
But the real killer is the "time bubble" that dominates the last half of the movie - time paradoxes have to be done very carefully. Even Terminator 2 messed them up, but it can be forgiven because it was cool in so many other ways. "Lost In Space" lacks its redeeming qualities.
What the movie lacks in coherence, it also lacks in acting. Hurt and Rogers just aren't convincing as a married couple. Graham and LeBlanc are similarly uninteresting; by the end of the movie they're locking lips, although nobody's sure why. Chabert and Johnson are just plain annoying. The only saving grace is the always-entertaining Oldman; deranged psychotics are his specialty, after all, and he somehow manages to rise up from the utter mediocrity he's mired in.
Even the computer graphics aren't all that spectacular. The explosions are mundane, the Jupiter 2 looks like it's made out of plastic, and the ubiquitous robot is just as hokey-looking as ever. Given that "Lost In Space" tries desperately to take itself seriously, this may be the worst flaw of all.
If you go to see "Lost In Space," you'll end up "Lost" yourself - you'll have lost about five bucks and two hours of your time with almost nothing to show for it.
dave "I hate a movie I don't like"
----- David E. Smith, P O Box 324, Cape Girardeau MO 63702 http://bureau42.base.org/people/dave/ dave@bureau42.ml.org
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