Ride Rated R By James Sanford The Kalamazoo Gazette
A group of energetic young people burst into an impromptu musical number. The girls sing a few bars, the guys sing a few bars, and then one young woman steps forward and belts out her lines: "Brotha, Brotha, you're so fine/Want your hands on my behind."You were expecting "Summer Nights," maybe?
That melodic moment is one of the many low points of "Ride," a witless, irritating comedy-drama that follows a dozen aspiring rappers from Harlem to Miami.Former music-video auteur Millicent Shelton penned the script, which, if you cut out all the obscenities and flatulence jokes, could comfortably fit on the back of her business card. Though "Ride" was written and directed by a woman it's hardly a triumph for feminism, as every female character in the film is either a tramp, an airhead, a witch or a weakling.
Chipper, clueless Leta (Melissa DeSousa) is assigned by her nasty boss Bleau (ex-MTV VJ Downtown Julie Brown, in bizarre makeup and fright wigs that make her look more like Skid Row Sally) to chaperone some potential stars to a video shoot in Florida. Getting there involves taking a ramshackle bus owned by elderly wiseacres Roscoe (John Witherspoon) and Bo (Cedric The Entertainer), who carp about the sad state of today's music but make no excuses for their vehicle's perpetually backed-up toilet, where many of the film's hijinks occur.
"Ride"'s parade of offensive stereotypes features Charity (Idalis De Leon, another MTV refugee), a siren who tries to sleep her way into a record deal; sex-crazed Brotha (Sticky Fingaz); pregnant Tuesday (Kellie Williams), Brotha's weepy, mistreated girlfriend; and Casper (Rueben Asher), a jive-spouting white boy who refuses to believe he's not African-American. Since most of theactors can't be trusted to deliver dialogue convincingly, Shelton drowns them out as often as possible with the strains of second-rate rap.
Several rappers grace the screen as well. Dr. Dre and Ed Lover turn up as a pair of leering receptionists, the Afro-puffed Lady of Rage bulldozes through her scenes as the villainous Peaches, Luther Campbell appears to have been dragged from a hospital bed to play sleazy music mogul Freddie B, and at one point, the bus breaks down just around the corner from a backwater disco where Snoop Doggy Dogg improbably happens to be hanging out. None of these performers needs to start working on their Oscar acceptance speech yet.
Somewhere in this wretchedly made hodgepodge is the genuinely talented Malik Yoba, doing what he can to dignify the junkyard around him and to carry his scenes with the vacuous DeSousa. Though he tries to put on a brave face, Yoba seems to realize "Ride" is a one-way ticket to Dullsville, and he looks eager to get off the bus.
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