JINGLE ALL THE WAY (1996)
Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger (Howard Langston), Sinbad (Myron Larabee), Phil Hartman (Ted Maltin), Rita Wilson (Liz Langston), Jake Lloyd (Jamie Langston), James Belushi (Mall Santa), Robert Conrad (Officer Hummell), Danny Woodburn (Tony the Elf)
Directed by: Brian Levant, Written by: Randy Kornfield
Rated PG by the MPAA for violence and strong language
Reviewed by Doug Skiles
"Awww, poor baby... heehee!" - Howard Langston
Arnold, as Howard, is willing to do anything to anybody that hinders his quest to find a Turbo Man action figure for his son for Christmas in JINGLE ALL THE WAY. Naturally, since he's Arnold and Chris Columbus was involved in the production (as a producer), "anything" involves generally beating the crap out of all kinds of people, animals, and assorted objects - himself included.
JINGLE is ostensibly a family comedy, and, in the end, it does promote family values. Along the way, though, it also trumpets the joys of brawling and divorce, as well as all but openly declares Santa Claus a myth - three things that you may or may not want your kids exposed to. Most families won't be phased by this, though, and so JINGLE will be welcome for viewing when the holiday season rolls around.
The performances are mostly well done. Arnold always has charisma even in the most unlikely of roles, and it's a pleasure to see him apparently having fun while he races around in this film, playing a bewildered parent that's sharp in contrast to the always-in-control action heros we're used to. Sinbad steals many of his scenes, tossing out pop culture references ("Rodney King... Rodney King... ") and acting quite insane as the postal worker Myron. Unfortunately, he's sometimes portrayed as an unwanted comedic sidekick, and sometimes as a villian - apparently someone couldn't decide what to do with him.
The physical comedy in a family show is something we've seen way too many times before, and it'd be boring if not for the fact that it's Arnold Schwarzenegger getting his clock cleaned for a change. At least, until the scene in the warehouse. That's the location for the most inspired part of the movie, in which Howard ends up in a brawl with evil Santa Claus impersonators who'd rather deck his halls with candy cane nunchakus than sit down for milk and cookies. That whole sequence is beautifully surreal - and belongs in a better movie than this. How can you not love seeing an elf announce the arrival of the police by shouting "It's the Grinch! Scatter!"
Yes, there's a fair share of flaws to this show, as is the case with any movie Chris Columbus touches, it seems. When the story starts, we learn how Howard is an overworked businessman who doesn't spend enough time with his family. And that's got to be one of the most overused character cliches in all of filmdom. It's just plain painful to see it now. The movie stays in rut for about 15 minutes until Howard gets home and makes up with his son (Jake Lloyd, aka Anakin Skywalker in episode one of the STAR WARS series, to be released in 1999), and after that, becomes light-hearted and fun for some of the time... and painfully stupid at other times.
Those other times belong primarily to Phil Hartman, who brings the movie down heavily every time he shows up on the screen. And he's on the screen far too much. Hartman was an asset to "Saturday Night Live," and continues to be one to "Newsradio" and "The Simpsons," but, on the big screen, he's playing the obnoxious sleazy guy far too often, and when he does it, he's just that - obnoxious. Every moment he shows up on the screen is a pain, as is the subplot of him moving in on Howard's wife, Liz.
Of course, not all of the humor hits the mark, either, as if often the case with family films. And when it does, it doesn't always hit it as hard as the warehouse scene.
When the finale finally rolls around, the film is charging ahead at a full slapstick comic pace, and it all seems so likable that you tend the forgive the ludicrous nature of the much of what happens in that ending. The whole thing is wrapped up nice and neat when the credits roll. But after the credits have faded, Arnold, Liz, and Jamie appear on the screen for one last scene that has one of the strongest comic payoffs of the whole show.
The cynical - yet accurate - view of Christmas shopping and the strength of the certain elements of the comedy, along with the likable nature of the show are all good points. But Phil Hartman and the stupid portrayal of Howard at the beginning of the movie drag it down heavily. It was tempting to make the rating 1/2 a star higher because of its good points, but Hartman just hurts the movie too much. JINGLE ALL THE WAY is only a mildly diverting time, since all the good moments are hurt by all the Phil Hartman moments which only serve to make the viewer angry that he/she is being forced to watch his horrible role. Sadly, thanks almost single-handedly to Phil Hartman and merely a few other obviously stupid plot devices, JINGLE ALL THE WAY only gets...
Rating: **
"Back up! This is a homemade explosive device! And I'll blow it up! Know why? 'Cause I work for the post office, so you KNOW I'm not stable! Tell 'em!" - Myron "This man is totally insane." - Howard "THANK YOU!" - Myron
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