GODDDAMIT by Richard Rust writer@ime.net
Well, the leaner meaner, lizard is out of the sewer and running across multiplexes all over America this night. Once again the City that Never Sleeps, is under attack and many landmark buildings will fall, people will become monster toe jam, military people will be flumaxed, reporters will steal a story and love will triumph.
But the monster movie fan (MMF), the geek in the back row that doesn't bathe often, has low social skills and can never get a date, what will the MMF do now?
Pity the poor MMF who has waited with baited breath (fish you know, Godzilla eats LOTS of fish) the MMF who watched Tokyo fall a dozen times in a dozen sequels, the MMF moaned to itself as it heard in the trailers, the clarion call Godzilla and thought, "YES!" Godzilla eats New York in digital .cgi, YES! Dolby sound, YES lots of F/X, no more tiny TV with black and white ads interrupting the mayhem.
But alas the poor dweeb of an MMF, walked limp from the octoplex from hell, not limp with post adrenalin rush malaise, but instead the MMF limps back to the halogen lit parking lot near the new WAL-MART and shoves its commemorative opening night ticket in its pocket and sighs, a regretful sigh.
Sadder than seeing the skyline of the Big Apple go up in fireballs, sadder than the endless shots of Matthew Broderick's waaay too winsome face, flicker in flashing lights, sadder still than this waaaaay too long movie (even at 120 minutes) even sadder than the light that fades from Godzilla's eye in the final reel, saddest of all is that this piece of over wrought bloated hokum is what Hollywood panders to the pasty faced crowd sucking down their $10 popcorn and medium soda (no ice).
It wasn't a badly made movie, it probably will even do business. It was just such a pro forma copy. It was just such a Jurasic Park rip off. It just such a all hollow, empty, joyless exercise of a movie.
It's a movie that makes you feel sad when you leave, sad not only that you parted with $14 bucks for two tickets, but sad that this is as good as it gets.
The corporate Bozos(tm) who have calculators for hearts have run this dog and pony show through its oh so predictable paces and we like the slugs that we are stand in line, to sit in the dark and say, "oh, my!"
Sad really, very, very sad.
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