So yeah , I saw Godzilla today. What did I think of it? It's not a good movie , neither is it a bad movie , nor does it enter the category of average movies. Godzilla resides in that gray area between watchable movies and flicks you'd wish the big G would squish , repeatedly. How best to describe it to you? It's what I like to call at nitpick flick , any moron can figure out a thousand ways it could have been better. And make no mistake , altough it is quite enjoyable , Godzilla could have been sooooo much better. But don't take this the wrong way , you will have a good time while watching Godzilla , but afterwards you will bitch about it on the way home.
Case in point:
The big G himself. Now that the movie as finally been released we now understand why they only show his legs and feet in the trailers. Why? Because the special effects stop being flawless above the hips. Mind you , 90% of the population of the earth will not notice the flaws in the effects. In fact , these are some really special special effects , but anybody with a sharp pair of eyes will see that sometimes Godzilla has this aura around certain areas of his body , a surefire sign that the effects guys had trouble blending in Godzilla with his surroundings. This is mostly hardcore nitpicking and i'm sure most people did not mind , but for person's like me who know how effects are made it caused just a teensy eensy little problem.
What really drags the movie down are the "actors" , please note the quotation marks used in this case to signify sarcasm. I will immidiately defend myself against the attacks I will most certainly receive from fans of Jean Reno: he was the only good actor in the movie and I am ashamed to mention his performance in the same paragraph as the following:
Matthew Broderick plays Matthew Broderick , this guy ( note how I no longer use the term actor ) has no range , I was never sure if he wanted to hunt down the creature and kill it or save it in the name of science. ( Spoiler follows ) When they discover the Godzilla eggs near the end , I kept waiting for Broderick to stop the French guys from blowing up the eggs , he had this look on his face like a wounded puppy dog who just lost his favorite toy. I should have realized that's how he always looks , never mind that Godzilla is centimeters in front of him or that a dozen babyzillas are chasing him.
Speaking of the babyzillas , this is what really ruined the movie for me. I have never seen such an obvious ripoff of a previous movie , I have seen copies , homages , remakes , and several ripoffs before but this takes the cake. I went to see Godzilla , not The Lost World , because there is no mistaking the fact that these are Velociraptors. They look nearly the same , run , jump , bash and scream in the same manner. Two major differences: the Raptors were done way better and were ten times more dangerous.
When the babyzillas are chasing Broderick and co' ( get em' guys! ) the effects break down in an hurry , you feel as if you could walk right through one of these creatures , they look that fake. In fact , if you look closely when they are breaking down doors you can see that the impacts don't quite happen at the same moment a baby rams the door. Another small detail ( even I have to admit that this is way beyond nitpicking but...) these things weight , oh , let's say half a ton. At that weight , even if those were jawbreakers on the floor they would have shattered and not tripped the creatures.
I was wrong , now I know what really ruins the movie: the little blond chihouaha hanging around Broderick for most of the movie. Good god , that woman was annoying. Wait till you see her "big emotional scene" were she as to cry her eyes out because she betrayed her ex-boyfriend which she nearly married eight years ago. ( Also known as a useless sub-plot meant only to keep people from falling asleep between Godzilla attacks...so much for that idea.)
I don't understand Emmerich and Devlin , they had some inspired casting for Independence Day and now this! In this kind of movie you need heroes that are bigger than life , Wil Smith anybody? And don't tell me actors aren't important in effects filled movies because that's just not true , in fact good actors could have saved that infinitely long half hour after the initial Godzilla rampage. Did I mention Hank Azeria? Well , he was okay but not good , altough he deserves an oscar by comparison.
And like in most giant monster movies , the army was quite pathetic in destroying Godzilla. Especially the helicopter pilots , I understand why the missiles missed but come on! With ten helicopters on it's tail you'd think that one of them could aim that gatling cannon with better acuracy! Speaking of the pilots , are these people trying to crash into each on purpose or what? They keep bunching together like a swarm of hornets , I think I remember one pilot yelling to another because he almost got shot down by friendly fire.
And don't these submarine Captains know of a little thing called countermeasures? You know , those little thingies subs fire to confuse incoming torpedoes? I know they were busy dodging Godzilla but it takes half a second to yell out "Launch countermeasures!" Speaking of stupid: "Send out the divers to recover the body!" Excuse me? Never mind the fact that should have kept shooting , but exactly how are frogmen supposed to recover the body? Steroids?
Speaking of weight , I may be wrong about this but I really doubt that bridge could support Godzilla's weight , never mind the fact that he was jumping and stomping all over the place. And while we're on the subject of chances of survival: three dozen babyzillas , four actors , only way to go is straight through them...and nobody loses an arm or something? Oy!
I know , I know , I am really bitching right now but I oh so wished Godzilla could have been a better movie. I liked Godzilla , I enjoyed Godzilla , but it is also a movie brought down by a lack of fresh ideas , horrible actors and dozens of little things that any person could have fixed. Don't let this stop you from seing Godzilla ( as if it will ) , but be prepared for a bit of a disapointment and a feeling of déja vu.
Rating: 2 and a half out of 5 for: Blowing up Madison Square Garden , one excellent jump by Godzilla , stupid actors playing stupid characters , "sharpshooters" ( snicker ) , Velocirap...uh , and wishing Godizlla would put the blond ditz out of her misery.
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