BIG, BAD 'GODZILLA'
a review by Jeff ("spoilers") Pidgeon
If you've never seen "Close Encounters of the Third Kind", "Jaws", "Jurassic Park", "Aliens" or "The Professional", you might be find the latest remake of "Godzilla" tolerable. For me, Roland ("ID4") Emmerich and Dean Dev- lin's latest super-production was yet another patchwork quilt of lifted shots and scenes from several other films. One might expect a certain amount of old familiar feelings -- this is after all, a remake; but it's mostly that and only that; a huge bundle of predictable moments delivered with plenty of carnage but not much excitement. It starts out promisingly -- creepy titles of video nuclear testing footage all shot in a nasty toxic yellow color over David Arnold's ominous score (the credits grow as we watch them) -- but almost from the moment the film gets underway (with an attack on a Japanese fishing trawler), everything feels trumped-up and cloned, as if the sole motivation for the film was to out-do every other film in existence: "Oh, so the shark in 'Jaws' attacks a little boat?" "Well, we'll have Godzilla attack a BIG boat!" "The shark drags one boat around?" "We'll have our beastie drag THREE!!" "Terrific!!" A couple of these Spielberg-esque attacks, and we're on our way. Using this "Close Encounters" technique of hiding The Big Surprise from view for the first half hour or so works well when you're not really sure what you're going to get at the end (i.e. little ships and -- whoa! -- the mothership!), but here, since we do know, it mostly builds impatience to see The Monster in The City. Like "ID4", "Godzilla" has a number of plots running at once: Nick Tatopoulos (Matthew Broderick) tries to save New York from getting completely squashed while seeing if he really is still estranged from his one-time -fiancee/aspiring reporter Audrey Timmonds (Maria Pitillo, who plays one of those characters that you frequently pray will get stepped on or eaten). Audrey is trying to decide between Love and Her Career, having stolen a video- tape of Godzilla's exposition and leaked it to the press. Animal (Hank Azar- ia) and Lucy (Arabella Field) seem to exist to round out a "Twister"-esque band of characters with cartoonish Noo Yawk accents thrown in for flavor. Philippe Roche (Jean Reno) plays a sinister member of the French secret ser- vice who at first works against, then alongside our main characters to defeat the creature. Apparently, French atomic tests were responsible for the darn thing, and they want to cover it up. Good luck convincing everybody that those crushed buildings were just swamp gas, guys! New York mayor Roger Ebert (Michael Lerner) -- yes, he has a balding assistant named Gene and they fight all the time -- butts heads with the the Main Army Guy (Kevin Dunn) and with Nick over whether or not Godzilla is actually Goddess-zilla, or Godzillette; are eggs being laid somewhere on Manhattan? Of course! We're even nudged to empathize -- her rampage is actually just Mommy trying to raise her vicious, blood-thirsty little chicks in peace. Aww! Sorry folks, I thought they should have soaked that whole "Lost World" island in nerve gas. I mean, these aren't spotted owls we're talking about here -- these are HUGE, CARNIVOROUS MONSTERS THAT BREATHE RADIOACTIVE FIRE! Kong and Frankenstein clearly weren't violent unless provoked, and they were certainly happy left in their own territory. They didn't go building nests in Madison Square Garden! Sorry! No sympathy! This is spectacle on such a grand scale that the quality is stretched pretty thin. Most of the technical work in the film remains firmly in the middle ground -- not pie-plate awful, nor ground-breaking innovation. Most of "Godzilla"'s effect's work feels at best uninspired and at worst rushed to completion. Much like "Lost In Space", the overall effect that the filmmakers seem to be reaching for is a benumbed awe rather than any sort of suspenseful rhythm or build. To be fair, a couple of the effects sequences are built on entertain- ing ideas -- Godzillette isn't invulnerable in this film, she's just really fast -- fast enough to evade surface-to-air missiles and underwater torpedoes (Whether you want to buy this is another thing, but it makes for a nice vari- ation, as opposed to the our-weapons-don't-seem-to-hurt-it stuff). I liked the way the fire-breathing was suggested rather than blatant, and the cab chase in Manhattan (culminating on the Brooklyn Bridge) caught my eye as de- cent spectacle. Vicki Lewis plays a cute scientist that I was hoping to see more of, but was squashed beneath the wheels of the central romance. Most of these moments, though, are glints on a two-hour-plus stretch of asphalt. The film's sense of humor falls flat the vast majority of the time, and its attempts to connect you with its characters induce wincing. Most of my friends who are Godzilla fans say that it isn't a Godzilla movie. Others say it's more of a remake of "The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms" than "God- zilla". Not being all that familiar with those films, I can't say. But there's a lot of books I would recommend you start reading with those two hours that you'll save by not seeing "Godzilla". Not Recommended.
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- Jeff "When I'm Finished With You, They'll Be Stumbling Over YOU In The Dark" Pidgeon
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