ARMAGEDDON (Touchstone - 1998) Starring Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton, Liv Tyler, Ben Affleck, Will Patton Screenplay by Jonathan Hensleigh and J.J. Abrams Produced by Jerry Bruckheimer, Gale Anne Hurd, Michael Bay Directed by Michael Bay Running time: 150 minutes
** (out of four stars)
Alternate Rating: C
Note: Some may consider portions of the following text to be spoilers. Be forewarned.
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From the outset, it's impossible to take the latest Earth-in-peril summer flick, ARMAGEDDON, very seriously. The newest testosterone-ladened conflagration from the team of director Michael Bay and producer Jerry Bruckheimer, this is a film which suggests that when confronted by a Texas-sized asteroid headed on a collision-course with the planet, NASA has The Right Stuff to launch an emergency space shuttle mission within two weeks and slingshot two spacecraft around the moon in order to intercept the massive interloper hurtling through the heavens at 22,000 mph, but is utterly helpless when it comes to simply digging a hole in the rock where a nuke will be dropped to hopefully divert the impending calamity.
To that ends, a civilian team of crack deep-core drillers led by roughneck Harry S. Stamper (Bruce Willis) is hurriedly brought on board by stoical NASA director Dan Truman (Billy Bob Thornton) for an extended weightlessness-training cram session in order to be shot shot into space and, of course, Save The World. Along the way, legendary gems such as "Hang on!", "It's gonna blow!", "I've never missed a depth that I've aimed for, and by God, I'm not going to start now!", and of course, the venerable "Blue wire or red wire?" are uttered. There's even an impromptu rendition of "Leaving On A Jet Plane". Who could ask for more? Get in line.
"Do you think that somewhere in this world two people are doing the exact same thing that we're doing?" coos Harry's precious daughter, the doe-eyed Grace (Liv Tyler), to her hotshot oil driller beau A.J. (Ben Affleck) in the film's requisite (and hopelessly hokey) romantic subplot. "I hope so," he responds with an admirably straight face. "Or what the hell are we trying to save?" The question certainly comes to mind during the film's first half which introduces us to the assorted miscreants that make up our dubious heroes. Presumably acting as counterpoint to the intellectual NASA staff, Harry's team is an ultra-blue collar collection of ragtag misfits that one can't help but liken to the CON AIR convicts -- and like that previous Bruckheimer-produced vehicle, each member of the drilling team is solely distinguished by a characteristic idiosyncrasy: Rockhound (Steve Buscemi) has a thing for buxom babes, Chick (Will Patton) wants to win back his son, and so forth. Early exposition (opening with a brutal piece of would-be slapstick involving a gun-toting Harry chasing A.J. around an oil rig) succeeds in making this crew of ruffians about as endearing as the stormchasers from TWISTER -- which is to say that I found myself hoping the incoming "global killer" asteroid would smack them down first. If these Dudes With Attitudes weren't already distasteful enough, when their expertise is called upon to prevent global annihilation, the film finds them negotiating for fringe benefits and incentives. Welcome to heroism, 1990s-style.
Make no mistake, inspirational heroism is what this effects-filled action film is intended to be all about, complete with at least two clips of our entire group of spacesuit-clad world-savers purposely striding towards the camera in slow motion as Trevor Rabin's ennobling score blares in the background. Mr. Bay seems especially fond of the low-angle shot, employed liberally throughout ARMAGEDDON to lend stature and an imposing quality towards his subjects, but his rapid cutting style, already unnecessarily excessive in THE ROCK, seems completely out of control here. There are countless points during the film's frenetic action sequences where one is at a loss as to exactly where certain characters are relative to others and so forth. (The incoherent space station sequence is particularly problematic.) The entire 150-minute film is assembled out of short edits which seem to run no more than a few seconds on average; I'd be very surprised if there are more than a handful of shots which run for more than twenty seconds. The net visual effect is not quite enough to generate an epileptic reaction, although the threat looms everpresent.
From start to finish, ARMAGEDDON is such a carefully crafted product abiding by bold jingoistic patriotism conventions that its biggest surprise comes from the list of top screenwriters (credited and uncredited) assembled to provide the film's backbone. Ace Hollywood writers such as Jonathan Hensleigh, Tony Gilroy, Paul Attanasio (QUIZ SHOW, DONNIE BRASCO, ARMAGEDDON -- something looks ... out of place here), Ann Biderman, Scott Rosenberg (whom I can envision gleefully penning many of Rockhound's one-liners) and Robert Towne presumably picked up nice paycheques for their respective contributions to this by-the-numbers screenplay, but realistically any shades of subtlety present from the cast or script alike are utterly obliterated by the wildly overstated and calculated manner in which Mr. Bay presents each scenario. This is the sort of film where it's not enough to simply have Grace weeping as her father's space-originated transmission cuts off; it has to have her weeping at a wall of monitors busily airing static as the camera slowly dollies out and maudlin music provides background ambiance.
If the film is skimping on original ideas and appealing heroes, it does provide a lot of spectacle for two-and-a-half hours. A meteor shower in the opening reel supplies plentiful destruction and mayhem in New York, and ARMAGEDDON becomes a dizzying series of incessant explosions, action and stunts once the gang goes spacebound. In this respect, the film distinguishes itself from the schmaltzy treacliness of DEEP IMPACT, the DreamWorks / Paramount film which beat it to the North American market by two months -- eschewing its predecessor's sensitive approach, this is an action film through and through. It's not an entirely unsuccessful diversion, full of energy and providing enough visceral stimuli to rival any music video, but in terms of genuine drama and suspense, ARMAGEDDON is remarkably hollow.
- Alex Fung
email: aw220@freenet.carleton.ca
web : http://www.ncf.carleton.ca/~aw220/
--
Alex Fung (aw220@freenet.carleton.ca) | http://www.ncf.carleton.ca/~aw220/
"Only a twerp would castigate an audience for its enjoyment of something."
- Pauline Kael
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