On paper, at least, the idea must have looked like it couldn't miss: Harrison Ford plays a grizzled pilot named Quinn hired to fly cosmopolitan Robin (Anne Heche) to Tahiti, and when they crash, the two must fend off myriad dangers on an uncharted island. Think of a "Romancing The Stone" and "African Queen" with just a trace of the sexual politics of "Swept Away" thrown in.
Now lower your expectations - drastically.
"Six Days, Seven Nights" is the sort of movie that looks lovely and comes across nicely in clips, but ultimately proves to be neither erotic, exotic or even exciting.
There's nothing glaringly awful here, just a lot of underachievement from some people who can do - and have done - better. That said, "Six Days" is painless enough to sit through if all you're looking for is two hours of gorgeous tropical scenery and the odd bit of action. Films like this rely heavily on star power, and Ford and Heche turn out to be a far cry from Humphrey Bogart and Katharine Hepburn. In fact, they're not even close to Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner.
Part of the blame rests on their shoulders. Ford does not seem to be terribly engaged by his shallow character, and Heche, though charming in her laid-back moments, tends to mug and screech to get laughs. She also continually plunges into the water in a variety of semi-transparent white tops, to no great effect. Ford and Heche are working at opposite extremes, and though they're on the screen together, it doesn't feel like they're in the same movie much of the time.
Then again, writer Michael Browning hasn't given either actor much to work with in terms of witty lines or romantic moments. Shortly after being stranded, Quinn and Robin take turns getting into each other's pants, as he removes a water snake from hers and she retrieves a flare gun from his. Unfortunately, neither situation generates any sizzle or much in the way of big laughs.
Neither do the antics of David Schwimmer and Jacqueline Obradors as Robin's wormy fiance and Quinn's voluptuous fling-of-the-moment. Their subplot shows signs of having been severely curtailed, probably an act of mercy.
Near the start, "Six Days" shows a welcome satiric streak, introducing Heche as a put-upon assistant editor at a magazine called Dazzle, which features stories with such enticing headlines as "Your derriere: Five ways to tame the beast." But that soon evaporates as the movie spends its best jokes early on, struggles vainly to establish Ford and Heche as a credible couple, then elects late in the game to throw in machine-gun-toting pirates and explosions as a kicker.
Director Ivan Reitman does what he can to establish a buoyant tone for the film, and he's fairly successful. But in the final analysis, "Six Days" is neither a true adventure nor a good comedy, neither sexy nor suspenseful, neither fish nor fowl. One thing is certain, though: See it tonight and you will have forgotten all about it by this time next week. James Sanford
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