Waterworld
A film review by Monika Huebner Copyright 1998 Monika Huebner
Director: Kevin Reynolds Cast: Kevin Costner, Dennis Hopper, Jeanne Tripplehorn, Tina Majorino and others
In WATERWORLD the darkest prophecies have come true: a radical change of climate melted the pole caps, the world is flooded with water and the few survivors live on makeshift water vessels. But if you thought that would make people stick together you're wrong. Even in those hard times some bad guys, the Smokers, only seek to draw profit from other people's misery. They, too, have heard the legend of Dryland. Supposedly there is one last place on Earth not covered with water, but nobody knows where. To find Dryland they need a map that is tattooed on the back of Enola (Tina Majorino), a little girl. The Smokers try to get their hands on her, but they have to get past her protector first: the Mariner (Kevin Costner), a mutated half amphibian man.
There are disaster movies and movies that are a disaster. WATERWORLD belongs to the latter category. When the movie hit the theaters this was amply discussed. Surprisingly it was a box office hit in Europe. Maybe over here more people want to see for themselves whether a movie is really as bad as the critics say it is.
Considering the set and the costume you have to wonder why this movie was almost as expensive in the making as James Cameron's TITANIC. At least TITANIC gives you an idea of where all the money has gone. The set of WATERWORLD looks like the designers got it from scrap yards all over the US, so what was so expensive? The costumes? Hardly, unless the torn rags were designed by some highly paid couturier. Who knows. Most of the set was blown up at the end of the movie. Who cares about the resulting damages to the environment.
There isn't much to be said about the acting. It's like watching a group of amateur actors performing a play they wrote themselves. Not even Dennis Hopper turns in a convincing performance. Had this been the admission test for an acting school the candidate would have flunked.
The same is true for Kevin Costner as the Mariner. Didn't it cross his mind that he has outgrown the part of "youthful hero"? I guess not. Otherwise he wouldn't have set out to ridicule himself with the world watching. Lack of hair isn't very well concealed by just letting the remaining hair grow longer, and having it pasted to your head because it's wet all the time doesn't help either. At least we get to admire the Mariner's gills. It is never mentioned exactly how long Earth has been covered with water, but a few centuries are not long enough for such a mutation to occur. The term "ichthyosapiens" is one of the few laughs the movie produces. Is that good or bad?
The less said about the two major female characters the better. They only serve one purpose: eye-candy. Of course Helen (Jeanne Tripplehorn) immediately offers to fish and cook for the Mariner if he takes them with him and her foster daughter Enola will do the same. The disastrous change of climate at least had the positive side effect of ending women's lib for good. It's back to the idyllic days of stone age. According to latest research that idyll wasn't what it was cracked up to be, but that isn't very likely to influence the way women are depicted in movies made in Tinseltown. The function of women in movies very often is just to look good and serve the hero in every way possible.
Logic isn't even tried in WATERWORLD. Even if all glaciers and the pole caps were to melt not all the continents would be covered with water. There just isn't enough water on Earth. It's preposterous to assume that only a few small islands remain that can't be found for centuries. But in spite of the fact that the Earth became a water desert one tomatoe plant survived (for centuries, again ??). And were did the chain smokers grow their tobacco? Probably from a swimming factory with some replicators borrowed from Star Trek. Not to mention the refinery needed to produce fuel for the Smoker's various rides. There is more to discover on a closer look, but it's not worth the trouble.
One of the biggest wastes of money in the history of movie making. All existing copies should be burned in a big bonfire on Walpurgis Night so the witches can have a decent dance. But that would hurt the environment again.
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