HALLOWEEN: H2O A film review by Andrew Hicks Copyright 1998 Andrew Hicks
(1998) ** (out of four)
If I've learned something in twenty years as a moviegoer, it's that no matter how many times Hollywood has beaten a dead horse, there can always be another unwarranted sequel. In the late '80s, we hoped HALLOWEEN 5 would be the last. Then came the even more dreadful sixth installment in 1995; now, for the original movie's twentieth anniversary, out comes HALLOWEEN: H20, which SCREAM writer Kevin Williamson fought to bring to the big screen.
Ignoring the last four sequels (probably the brightest flash of inspiration this movie had), H20 goes back to the roots of the series -- Michael Myers stalking Jamie Lee Curtis, who is now well into her 40s and drinking vodka straight from the bottle. Laurie Strode, the archetypical babysitter victim, is now the head mistress at a private school, living under an assumed name as Halloween 1998 rolls around. It's the twentieth anniversary of the Haddonfield murders and Laurie/Keri is rightfully freaked out.
Besides being an alcoholic, she's a frighteningly overprotective mother. Her son (Josh Harnett) attends the same boarding school, and she won't let him go with the other students and faculty on a Yosemite camping trip (the requisite plot devise to clear out the facilities). So he stays behind with three other delinquents (Michelle Williams, Jodi Lyn O'Keefe and Adam Hann-Byrd, at least one of whom is on "Dawson's Creek") who plan a night of booze, sex and food. Way to go, Mom.
Rounding out the cast of those left behind are LL Cool J as an erotica-writing security guard and Jamie Lee's boyfriend, played by Adam Arkin of "Chicago Hope." He's a therapist, which proves opposites attract, and seals his own fate when she tells him about her past and he replies, "That's sucky." It's a fun game early on to guess who will get killed and by which instruments, although there are few surprises and the movie seems to have far fewer substance than even the bad sequels.
Then there's Myers, also known as The Shape. He emerges on October 29 to kill the nurse from the first two HALLOWEEN films and Joseph Gordon-Levitt of "3rd Rock From the Sun" with an ice skate to the face (which will probably be worth full ticket price for people who find little Joseph annoying). Then he steals two cars and heads to California to catch up with Jamie Lee, making the rest of us wonder if he really wears that mask when he drives. It would tend to impair vision, I imagine.
Bringing Jamie Lee back and bringing Williamson aboard made this the sequel with the most appeal since HALLOWEEN II, but there comes a point where it's really ridiculous to see the same woman run from the same masked killer for the umpteenth time. Not only is Curtis pre-menopausal (though her character is only supposed to be 37) but Michael Myers himself is over the hill. Every time a nubile teen runs from him, I'm waiting for him to say, "Come back here, you damn kid. I'm too old for this shit."
The idea here is to invoke the familiar, to the point where Jamie Lee ends up reciting some of the exact same dialogue from the first movie ("Do as I say!") and yelling the f-word when she realizes the only place to hide is in a closet. This movie is more a nostalgia kick than anything, up to its ears in in-jokes, down to having Jamie's real mother (Janet Leigh, the famous shower stabbing victim in PSYCHO) pop in a cameo to "be maternal."
HALLOWEEN: H20 has a few shocks but no real scares. Then again, it comes from Steve Miner, who directed FRIDAY THE 13TH Parts 2 and 3. There's no hope for a classy horror movie when the director is best known for a 3-D movie where Jason popped some kid's eyeball from its socket. At least the movie has a sense of humor, most of which from some uncredited Williamson script moments. And finally we get a HALLOWEEN movie that ends exactly like all the other ones should have. Maybe Laurie Strode has wised up a little in the past twenty years. Let's hope Hollywood has, and there's no HALLOWEEN: H21.
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