JOHN CARPENTER'S VAMPIRES A film review by Steve Rhodes Copyright 1998 Steve Rhodes RATING (0 TO ****): ***
John Carpenter, the master of horror flicks, including the original HALLOWEEN, is back with an impressive and surprisingly good picture, which modestly goes by the full title of JOHN CARPENTER'S VAMPIRES.
VAMPIRES, a film smart enough to never take itself seriously, is a fun romp of a motion picture. Redefining and enlivening the vampire genre, Carpenter blends in lavish doses of humor along with an intriguing story. If you're used to vampire pictures that work only at the shock level, you will likely find that VAMPIRES does everything but scare you. While you're not likely to be frightened, you will find yourself laughing and being wrapped up in the engrossing story. Don Jakoby's script, based on the novel "Vampire$" by John Steakley, has a fascinating mix of mystery and humor.
The marvelous actor James Woods plays Jack Crow, the leader of one of the Vatican's groups of "slayers." Slayers search the world looking for "nests" of vampires, in which one vampire "master" leads a group of vampire "goons." Once they've cleaned out a nest, making sure to kill the master, the slayers move on.
Regardless of what you heard, we learn that vampires are not impressed with garlic or crosses. Only a stake through the heart or the light of day can kill them.
The movie opens with a slender, rough-looking Jack Crow, dressed in jeans and leather, leading a rag-tag band of slayers as they attack a nest hidden in an old house. Jack carries a large, shiny chrome power bow, and his men, who come with him in an old armored car, carry weapons that would make Dirty Harry proud. Although they can't kill vampires with big guns, they can at least slow them down until Jack spears them, thus allowing Tony Montoya (Daniel Baldwin) to drag them into the sunlight. The arrows, you see, are attached to steel cables, which run to an old-fashion winch on Tony's jeep. The winch will experience mechanical difficulties more than once, causing panic and humorous expletives.
As soon as the vampires are outside in the daylight, they are burned to a crisp. Jack has colorful and unprintable descriptions for all of their activities. Woods has a ball in a role that feeds him a stream of great one-liners and generally lets him ham it up.
Thomas Ian Griffith plays Valek, the superman master of the vampire world. Originally from the fourteenth century, Valek was the very first vampire, and, unlike other masters, he's (almost) impossible to kill.
When Jack comes up against Valek, he faces his greatest challenge ever. Before he can find and kill Valek, he must first solve the mystery of what Valek and his band of fellow masters are after. The mystery has elements that include a logarithmic spiral of attacks.
Although bodies are indeed ripped apart in the gory fashion of traditional horror movies, Carpenter pulls the camera away before we are too grossed out.
The best subplot has BACKBEAT's Sheryl Lee playing a sexy blonde hooker named Katrina, who has the misfortune to have been bitten by Valek. "Bitten" does not exactly cover what happens. It is more that she has a perverse form of non-consensual sex with Valek. The upshot of that liaison is that they have a mind meld. Jack then tries to use her to get to Valek.
As the vampire virus periodically rages through Katrina's bloodstream, she goes into wild, spastic orgasms. Lee takes a part that could have been a cliche and makes her character instead sympathetic and smart.
The film has a handsome look and great electronic guitar music. Thankfully absent is the overabundance of special effects that most directors fall back on today.
Even if the demographics for vampire movies are normally limited, this one has the potential to please a wide variety of filmgoers since Carpenter does such a masterful job of invigorating a moribund genre. Although not quite as good as the vampire movie HABIT, just released this week on video, VAMPIRES is a wonderfully entertaining movie that will pleasantly surprise those who see it.
JOHN CARPENTER'S VAMPIRES runs 1:47. It is rated R for horror film gore, profanity, sex and nudity and would be fine for older teenagers.
Email: Steve.Rhodes@InternetReviews.com Web: www.InternetReviews.com
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