_I_Still_Know_What_You_Did_Last_Summer_ (R) * (out of ****)
It is now official--_Scream_writer Kevin Williamson is a genius--that is, when it comes to writing horror movies. Everyone else who attempts to write in the genre these days are hacks, as shown by the recent _Urban_Legend_ and now _I_Still_Know_What_You_Did_Last_Summer_, the unscary and thoroughly boring Williamson-less sequel to the Williamson-penned sleeper of last fall, _I_Know_What_You_Did_Last_Summer_.
A sequel to _I_Know..._--no more nor less than an effective formula genre piece--was just about doomed from its inception. To start, in addition to the absence of Williamson (Trey Callaway and Stephen Gaghan wrote this installment), there's the absence of who was by far _I_Know..._'s most interesting and magnetic star, Sarah Michelle Gellar, whose character was among the film's body count. Then there's the title: _I_Still_Know_What_You_Did_Last_Summer_? In the new film, two years have passed since the pivotal hit-and-run accident that kicked off the original. _I_Still_Know_What_You_Did_Two_Summers_Ago_ or simply _I_Still_Know_ would have been a better fit. Also, any continuation of the story would completely negate one of _I_Know..._'s most unexpected pleasures, a shock ending where snooze-inducing heroine Julie James (the vapid Jennifer Love Hewitt) got her just desserts, being put out of her--and the audience's--misery by the hook-handed killer fisherman.
A line of dialogue early in _I_Still_Know..._ explains away that jolting conclusion as that all-too-familiar of cinematic copouts, a dream. Julie is still alive and kicking, attending college as she was at the end of the last film. Btu she's still haunted by the thought that Ben Willis (Muse Watson), the vengeful hook-handed fisherman she and her friends hit with their car and left for dead in _I_Know..._, is still out to get her. She's right. As Julie and some new friends head for a vacation in the Bahamas, so does Ben, leaving the usual trail of bloody bodies in his wake. But fortunately for Julie, not too far behind is her true love, Ray Bronson (Freddie Prinze Jr., also returning), who knows that Ben is back.
It's a standard slasher sequel set-up, and that's the problem. Part of what made _I_Know..._ work was the mystery of the killer's identity and the lingering suspicion that one of the four friends was behind the killings. With the killer now clearly known to be Ben, _I_Still_Know..._ plays like a cheesy '80s era chiller, a la any given _Friday_the_13th_ sequel. That formula extends to the new supporting players, each summed up by one characteristic: Julie's spunky roommate Karla (Brandy, acting as if she were still in a _Moesha_ episode), her horny boyfriend Tyrell (the talented Mekhi Phifer, braving an insulting role), and Julie's nondescript suitor, Will (nondescript Matthew Settle). As thin as those characters are, they are prime steak compared to the background characters in the Bahamas, in particular a snooty hotel desk clerk (Jeffrey Combs), a tough cookie bartender (Jennifer Esposito), and, most annoyingly, a perpetually stoned white rastafarian pool guy. Needless to say, I didn't care if any of these characters lived or died.
Characters, or course, are not the point of a film like _I_Still_Know..._; it's the scares, and in that department, Callaway and director Danny Cannon fail miserably. The first hour's purported scares are mostly telegraphed fakeouts, some of which violate logic. In one scene, as Julie washes her hair in the bathroom sink, the fisherman can be seen leaving the room in the background, punctuated by an ominous cue on the soundtrack. Suddenly, Julie lifts her head and starts to look around. How could she suspect anything unless she heard the music? When the film supposedly kicks in to high gear toward the end, the unsuspenseful chases and unimpressive gore are not worth the wait; there's nothing as scary as the beauty pageant murder or the store/alley chase-and-evasion sequence in the original--there's just nothing scary, period.
Callaway and Gaghan are poor substitutes for Williamson, who gave the original some flashes of wit and, for the most part, managed to sidestep the irksome thriller cliches. Cliches are in full force this time around, never so clearly in a scene where a scared Julie slowly walks in a darkened apartment; if she's so scared, why doesn't she turn on a light? Plot is as irrelevant as character in this film, but the number of holes in Callaway and Gaghan's story are ridiculous. For example, an injured Ray escapes from a hospital back in the States and calls Julie's hotel in the Bahamas from a pay phone. How did he know what hotel she was staying at? More ruinous, though, are some key plot developments which attempt to shed some light on Ben's past. I won't give anything away, but one twist makes absolutely no sense within the context of the first film, and the new backstory cheapens the original, in a sense letting the four irresponsible friends off the hook.
_I_Still_Know..._ leaves the door open for more sequels (_I_Will_Always_Know_What_You_Did_Last_Summer_? _I_Still_Know_What_You_Did_the_Last_Three_Summers_?), but, if there's any luck, after this dreadful installment the franchise will heed the words of its heroine: "JUST FUCKING DIE!"
Michael Dequina
mrbrown@iname.com | michael_jordan@geocities.com
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