THE REAL BLONDE Directed by Tom DiCillo Early on, it appears "The Real Blonde" might be out to do for struggling thirtysomething white actors what Robert Townsend's uproarious "Hollywood Shuffle" (1987) did for struggling twentysomething African-American actors, namely to use the humiliations they must endure to find work as the springboard for rich satire. Joe (Matthew Modine) is 35, good-looking and talented, but he still has no agent, no substantial credits and no idea of how to talk to casting agents. Hint: Telling them you won't even consider doing a soap opera because "that's not real acting" is usually a one-way ticket straight to the exit door. Joe's lofty ideals begin to deflate when his friend Bob (Maxwell Caulfield) gets a long-term gig on the daytime drama "Passion Crest" at a staggering $3600 a week, and it isn't long before Joe is all but begging to be a beach-boy extra in a Madonna video. Writer-director Tom DiCillo has a lot more on his mind than Joe's employment problems, however. DiCillo also wants to explore Bob's carnal quest to find one real blonde, which involves sleeping his way through a series of chemically altered models. DiCillo is also intrigued by Joe's girlfriend Mary (Catherine Keener), a hairdresser with an enormous amount of pent-up rage stemming from the constant sexual harrassment she's subjected to on the streets of New York. And just to make sure his movie has enough plot, DiCillo also throws in the plight of a neighborhood woman who's lost her dog, the trampy behavior of an egotistical actress (Daryl Hannah) who becomes Bob's co-star on the set and in the bedroom, a self-defense instructor (Denis Leary) who tries to put the moves on Mary, a troubled model (Bridgette Wilson) who claims to find spiritual enlightenment in "The Little Mermaid," and a Madonna body double (Elizabeth Berkley) who's weary of having hair the color of buttered popcorn. Soon "The Real Blonde" starts to seem more like an extended episode of "The Real World," as we're asked to care deeply about the woes, jealousies, inhibitions and fantasies of some fairly shallow people. A few funny lines pop up along the way and give DiCillo credit for amusingly offbeat casting -- Marlo Thomas as a Helmut Newton-style fashion photographer is particularly sharp -- but much of "Blonde" is just plain dumb. James Sanford
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