Firestorm
s reviewed by James Brundage
Being a critic is like having a Ph.D. in Theology, you are constantly questioning everything you've every known about your field of study. As a Ph.D. would wonder about the particular meaning of a bible verse and if it does or does not mean transubstantiation is real or not, I wonder, seeing a particular movie, why such trash is turned out by the movie industry day after day after day.
I find myself sitting in movie theater after movie theater, staring mindlessly at mindless movies that depress me further and further because they are so idiotic that no one should have written the story in the first place. They are ideas that should have never been thought up, things which should have never been created, like the IRS or the KKK. Movies like "Firestorm", something that has no purpose whatsoever as a film, makes me wonder "why?" more than any other type of film.
To give you an idea of what the worth of it is, I'll go through the basics. The first thing we can cross off our possible list is quality; the film was one of the poorest quality films I've ever seen, with people tripping over lines, faking Canadian accents that sound more like something out of "Fargo", and embarking on a Sierra-Club like mission to save the birds.
The next thing to go kaput is merit as an action movie. Watching the screen, for myself and, I think, the entire movie theater, was like sitting through a foreign film without subtitles, or, worse, like a college lecture in a subject you hate. As each person was killed, as each thing happened, at least one member of the audience groaned. The special effects were no star at all, mustering all the realism of cardboard cutouts for a TV movie. And, the saddest merit that a film can ever offer as its sole bit (being able to connect people to Kevin Bacon in six steps or less), won't help anybody... the only person who's in, or worked on, this movie that anyone would remotely recognize is Scott Glenn, and he plays a bit part.
I propose something for you viewers. If you're bored, why as why?, Don't see "Firestorm"
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