WISHMASTER(LIVE Entertainment) Directed by Robert Kurtzman
As if there weren't already enough good reasons not to do drugs on the job, "Wishmaster" offers one more; You might get loaded and shatter a priceless Persian statue, thereby releasing an evil genie on the world. Wouldn't want that on your conscience now, would you?
True, "Wishmaster" may run into trouble qualifying for any Oscars, but rest assured it's a shoo-in to win in the Goriest Feature-Length Public Service Announcement category -- should anyone see fit to create one. This utterly pointless foray into idiocy begins when a malevolent "Djinn" is accidentally freed from the opal he's been locked inside for centuries, by the manner described earlier. Thankfully, for the Djinn's purposes, he's been unleashed in a part of California inhabited solely by greedy morons, so this genie-meanie has no trouble finding suckers willing to trade their immortal souls in exchange for some flashy material rewards.
Only jewel expert Alex (former child star Tammy Lauren) knows the Djinn's little secret, leading -- after multiple murders and scores of lame jokes -- to a showdown in a red crepe-paper Hell that looks like it was built for the school play, followed shortly thereafter by an unintentionally uproarious finale in which sculptures magically spring to life and disembowel snooty guests at a swanky cocktail party.
Trying her best to show dread and anxiety at every opportunity Lauren contorts her face into a variety of grotesque expressions that should make Jim Carrey jealous, and to give the movie some glimmer of horror-film credibility "Nightmare On Elm Street" veteran Robert Englund hangs around just long enough to cough up a slimy demon, once again putting to use all those years of classical theater training he often spotlights in his biographies.
Makeup artist-turned-director Robert Kurtzman's idea of a good scare is a phone that rings ridiculously loudly or a masked actor who pops in out of nowhere to startle someone. When in doubt, he splashes around as much blood as possible to cover up the fact that "Wishmaster"'s script is about as consistently terrifying as "Pocahontas."
"Forget Barbara Eden! Forget Robin Williams!" warns a genie expert midway through the madness. She forgot to add you should forget about seeing "Wishmaster" while you're at it. James Sanford
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