_Virus_ (R) no stars (out of ****)
You got to love January--where else can you find such cinematic schlock that studios not only spent millions of dollars on, but also believed would make millions for them in return? It seems that every January at least one studio dumps a pathetic excuse for a sci-fi thriller upon the moviegoing audience. In 1997, it was _The_Relic_, which should have remained undiscovered; last year, it was _Phantoms_, which will surely continue to haunt the careers of all involved, especially Hollywood "it" boy Ben Affleck. This year's selection (sacrifice?) is _Virus, a thoroughly ridiculous sci-fi yarn whose abundance of unintentional laughs fail to compensate for the lack of thrills.
_Virus_ had been bounced around Universal's release schedule like a hot potato, most recently scheduled for a July opening. Universal's official reason for this latest shelving was the conflict with another Jamie Lee Curtis starrer, _Halloween:_H20_; but watching the film, it's obvious that the true reason was something much simpler: the film just plain stinks. _Virus_ does get off to an interesting enough start, though, when a mysterious electrical force of alien origin makes its way onto a Russian ship through a transmission with the Mir space station. Days later, the high-tech is found abandoned by an American shipping crew, who decides to poke around. Of course, this proves to be a deadly mistake, for the alien life form has taken over the ship.
As with any action flick, the film is only as good as its villain, and once _Virus_ offers a glimpse of our alien, all hopes of a decent thrill ride are instantly dashed. The alien lacks a body, so it constructs its own out of parts found on the ship. It sounds somewhat interesting, but in execution is laughable, especially some fearsome creatures which are little more than video cameras atop metal spider legs. Oooh, scary. The more elaborate creations, featuring human body parts mixed with electronics aren't especially frightening because the audience has seen it before--it's just another gloss on _The_Terminator_. The "main" creature is especially disappointing, a large mass of scrap metal that bears a striking resemblance to the unmenacing title robot adversary in the dreary sequel _RoboCop_2_.
I haven't yet mentioned the actors because, frankly, they don't really matter in a film such as this. Even so, it must be noted that there is some dreadful performances on display here. Vying neck-and-neck for worst acting honors (no small feat here) are Donald Sutherland and Joanna Pacula, both varying grades of ham as the Yank crew captain and the only survivor of the Russian crew, respectively. Billy "refer to me as William" Baldwin fares better here than in his previous action role in the famous folly _Fair_Game_, but that's not saying much. By default, Curtis comes off best, but her earnest performance would be better suited for a more intelligent, exciting script, one where "What the hell was that?" and "What the hell is going on?" don't make up 95% of the dialogue.
The latter quote is likely one that will be asked by audiences as they are watching _Virus_, and the former once they walk out of the theatre. _Virus_ is one of those cinematic disasters that leaves one wondering what the hell everyone involved--from the cast and crew to the studio production heads who greenlighted the project--were thinking.
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