The Avengers (1998) 1/2 star out of 4. Starring Ralph Fiennes, Uma Thurman and Sean Connery.
While The Avengers television series was cheeky, stylish and sexy, its big-screen descendant is listless, plodding and as steamy as a brother-sister prom date.
After seeing this turkey, it's understandable why the studio decided to keep it under wraps until the last possible moment.
It's a total misfire. The script is weak, the continuity choppy (probably from slicing the film from its original two-hour length to about 95 minutes), and the actors seem to lack any concept of how to approach their characters.
Ralph Fiennes hasn't a clue to the character of secret agent John Steed. While he can act the veddy, veddy English gentleman, he lacks that slight twinkle in the eye, that subtle wink that Patrick Macnee brought to the role, letting us know that he, too, was in on the joke.
Uma Thurman works too hard at trying to be sexy, a feat that came almost nonchalantly to Diana Rigg, the TV show's Mrs. Emma Peel. Unfortunately, Thurman emits as much heat as a winter solstice.
The movie's biggest crime, however, is the utter waste of Sean Connery as deranged villain Sir August De Wynter. It takes an awful script and shoddy dialogue to make Connery look bad on screen. Can you even remember the last time Connery was so cinematically embarrassed?
Basically, The Avengers stinks because director Jeremiah Checnik and screenwriter Don Macpherson missed the point of the TV series. And because of that, we all have to suffer.
Bob Bloom is the film critic at the Journal and Courier in Lafayette, Ind. He can be reached by e-mail at bloom@journal-courier.com or at cbloom@iquest.net
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