The Big Hit does not explicitly state that it takes place in the present day. I'm only guessing that it's supposed to, but I still remain completely stumped. See, the problem is that the characters use phrases that were rubbed into the ground over ten years ago. The laughable dialogue includes, but is in no way limited to, the following breakdance-era gems:
Word Up
Bust A Move (twice)
In Da House
I'm Cool Wit Dat
Chill
Whack (but, sadly, not Wiggity Whack)
You can understand my confusion. And here's a sample of an eloquent soliloquy delivered by the main character, Melvin Smiley (Mark Wahlberg, Boogie Nights) as he ponders his own inadequacies in relation to his two lady friends:
I can't stand the idear of dose two not likin' me. Der. I said it.
I'll give you a minute to shake the image of Shakespeare that was no doubt conjured by that delightful snippet of wisdom. Speaking of Billy, the foil in The Big Hit is pretty much a carbon copy of John Leguizamo's hilariously over-the-top Tybalt in William Shakespeare's Romeo & Juliet. This time, the offender is called Cisco (Lou Diamond Phillips, Courage Under Fire), a badass who unimaginatively mutters "lesbian" at three women that shun his greasy advances. Ironic because, in real life, Phillips wife left him for clam-bumper Melissa Etheridge.
Have I forgotten the story? Well, it's about four perfectly chiseled musclehead hitmen. They work for a crime boss named Paris (Avery Brooks, Deep Space Nine), who somehow makes tons of green by having these four dumbbells dispose of rival gang members. They're a slick crew, consisting of antacid swilling Melvin, plotting Cisco, compulsive masturbator Crunch Bokeem Woodbine, Caught Up) and pretty-boy Vinnie (Antonio Sabato, Jr.). They decide to earn some extra cash by moonlighting, but their first job involves unknowingly kidnapping catholic school student Keiko Nishi (China Chow), the daughter of a wealthy Japanese businessman and more importantly, the goddaughter of Paris.
In addition to accidentally pissing off their boss, what these four goons don't also realize that Keiko's pop has recently lost all of his money in "a big Horrywood movie" bomb. The repo men haul everything out of his house after he goes bankrupt, but he is still inexplicably left with a call-tracing device. Don't even ask.
Directed by Hong Kong action helmer Kirk Wong (Jackie Chan's Crime Story), the The Big Hit has a terrific opening sequence. The perfectly choreographed slo-mo gunplay is no doubt inspired by executive producer John Woo (Face/Off) and brilliantly shot by Danny Nowak (TV's Le Femme Nikita). The story, from first time screenwriter Ben Ramsey, is pretty weak and implausibly ends with one of the least understandable chase scenes ever.
The Big Hit is just like The Wizard of Oz. Melvin is the always worried Dorothy, Cisco is the yapping Chihuahua Toto while Crunch and Vinnie…well, they both need a brain. And both films start with The. Proof positive, my friend, proof positive.
PLANET SICK-BOY: http://home.eznet.net/~jpopick
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