_Six_Ways_to_Sunday_ (R) no stars (out of ****)
What is it with independent films with days of the week in their title? Last fall brought the awful _Thursday_, a pointless, plotless, blood-soaked exercise in nihilism. I thought it couldn't possibly get any worse than that detestable film, here comes _Six_Ways_to_Sunday_, which would more aptly be called _97_Minutes_to_Nowhere_.
_Six_Ways_ exemplifies, all too painfully, the traditional criticisms of independent film: pretentiousness, self-indulgent artiness, graphic violence, a would-be "hip" sense of humor, a touch of "taboo" subject matter. The flat-out awfulness shouldn't be a surprise once one discovers what director/co-scripter (with Marc Gerald) Adam Bernstein's only other credit is: arguably the worst big screen _Saturday_Night_Live_ of all time, _It's_Pat_. _Six_Ways_ follows Ohio teen Harry Odum (Norman Reedus), whose progress up the mafia ranks and budding romance with a mafia maid (Elina Lowensohn) causes some strain with his beloved, overprotective--to say the very least--mother (Deborah Harry).
As with any film, _Six_Ways_'s effectiveness--or, rather, lack thereof--lies in the execution, and while the basic story (loosely based on Charles Perry's novel _Portrait_of_a_Young_Man_Drowning_) may not sound so bad, it's everything else that makes the film as unwatchable as it is. The dialogue is often laughable in the wrong way; the direction a study in how _not_ to make a film (all flashy cuts and "surreal" visual narrative devices; jarringly abrupt shifts in tone); and the acting is even worse. Reedus is a former model for Prada, and his sub-amateurish performance shows it; Harry and Lowensohn duke it out for worst performance when their characters square off over Harry's affections. The only person, in front of or behind the camera, who makes any kind of positive impression is Adrien Brody, who plays Harry's wannabe gangsta best friend. That it is also one of the lesser performances I've seen Brody give says a lot about just how insufferable this worst-of-'99 shoo-in is. (opens March 5)
Michael Dequina
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