A REVIEW OF "SHOWGIRLS" A RETRO REVIEW, 1995 by Ryan Ellis
give me a buzz on the ol' e-lines, iluvmick@hotmail.com
Movie reviewers have an obligation to see the good, the bad, and the despicable. I originally wrote this review for my college newspaper back in '95, but I wanted to re-write it because not all retro reviews should be about the classics. We need to be warned about some truly awful films, too. This picture was so bad, it inspired the description for my 1/10 rating (see ratings chart below). The only thing saving it from a 0/10 rating is that being able to rent a movie like this is slightly less embarassing than renting a porno. So, it does indeed have some plusses...
In fairness, Elizabeth Berkley is certainly worth seeing in the buff. And her ability to whine and irritate us, even while nude, was appropriate in her role as selfish temptress Nomi Malone. This character is not smart, not interesting, and (deliberately?) far too annoying far too often. Like in 1998s "Bulworth", when the movie was over I didn't care one little iota about the main character. At least Warren Beatty tried to make a statement with his dreary and overrated film, though. "Showgirls" is too stupid to make a statement.
Some people claim that the story is based on the legendary "All About Eve" of all things! If exploitation expert Joe Eszterhas was half the screenwriter that Joseph L. Mankiewicz was, he'd be...well, he'd be a good screenwriter. Instead, this project may have sunk his career. He wrote the (HA HA!) script and the usually reliable Paul Verhoeven directed. The same team who created a GOOD sex-film in 1992 ("Basic Instinct") struck out here with their occasional violence, gratuitous X-rated sex scenes, and numerous (and quite unnecessary) lesbian overtones.
The predictable storyline revolves around Nomi streaking into Las Vegas to make it big as a dancer. After the supposed street-smart young "lady" gets conned out of her suitcase by a slack-jawed yokel in the opening sequence, she befriends a tailor of the glamorous stage production at the "Stardust Hotel". Nomi doesn't take advantage of this contact to break into the big-time of dirty dancing right away. First, she becomes a lap dancer at a scummy strip club. She sells her hot little wares at "The Cheetah" for a short time, turning on the fictitious customers and the actual theatre audience. Hey, I never said she wasn't a hot number...
Maybe it's that, her body, which gets her into the big-time when the star of the "Stardust Hotel", Crystal Connors (Gina Gershon) stops into the strip club (it certainly isn't her brains or pleasant disposition!). Crystal requests a private lap dance for her boyfriend (Kyle MacLachlan). He also happens to be the pleasure-seeking worm who runs the big show. Crystal gets Nomi onto the "Stardust" team and, after an interminable amount of time, Nomi "earns" the role of Crystal's understudy. The slut then deliberately injures and hospitalizes Crystal.
It was almost laughable that Nomi had the guts to claim that she's "not a whore". That's a phrase we hear a few different times and it's completely ludicrous. Of course she is! She sells her soul to make it big, but in the end we're supposed to believe that she's a better person than that. We're supposed to root for her. No way! She's a tramp and a back-stabber who deserved nothing--least of all vindication in the...ahem...climax. She is not a good person and they take over two hours to explain that the audience should think that she is.
The sub-plot with a male dancer (Glenn Plummer) who claims to see talent in Nomi is just a gratuitous opportunity to let her dance naked a little bit more. It sure ain't character development! Plummer also appeared in "Speed" in '94 in a smaller, yet better role. This sub-plot goes absolutely nowhere except maybe to deliver an unsubtle hint that fornicators should practice birth control.
Kyle MacLachlan must have been promised a big pay-day or his standards have dipped since appearing in "Blue Velvet". That picture was weird, but some critics claim it's one of the best movies of the '80s. Now ol' Kyle can say that he acted in one of the worst of the '90s, too. His sleazy character is important to "Showgirls", but we don't learn anything about him. He uses people to get what he wants, but that only means that he fits in well with the other characters in this movie. Is he a villain? Who cares!
Ultimately, this movie is as tiresome as it is explicit. Everyone must know by now about the soft-core acts of copulation, especially the riotous romp between Berkley and MacLachlan in his pool. What few reviewers take issue with is how mean-spirited this movie is. Everyone's either having sex, exacting revenge, or WISHING they were having sex or exacting revenge. It's just too hard to take (especially for over two hours). If we must be exposed to the evils of the Vegas world, why couldn't Verhoeven have also made a point of highlighting the whispers, grunts, and other sounds during the dance numbers? It's hard to care about these people if we can't even appreciate what they're capable of doing on-stage.
Berkley may have a future in Hollywood because she can dance and she has a great body. After all, the world of porn is still an active, dishonourable profession. Perhaps Berkley could join their ranks and leave the REAL acting to Pauly Shore and Cindy Crawford. Oops, they're bad actors, too. Well, at least, they're not selfish and contemptable like good ol' slutty Nomi Malone.
USELESS TRIVIA--Ironically, Elizabeth Berkley played virtuous and "holier than thou" Jessie on the teeny-bopper TV show, "Saved By The Bell", before breaking onto the big screen.
This film gets a 1/10.
THE RYAN RATING SYSTEM SAYS... 10/10--absolutely outstanding 9/10--excellent 8/10--pretty darn good 7/10--sure, go on and give it a peek 6/10--so-so; ye ol' recommendation point 5/10--not quite worth the dollars 4/10--only if you have a free pass 3/10--don't go, PLEASE don't go 2/10--avoid even if you DO have a free pass 1/10--"Showgirls" territory; truly crappy 0/10--bang your head off a wall instead
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