"Intentions" cruel and unusual punishment
Cruel Intentions A Film Review By Michael Redman Copyright 1999 By Michael Redman
[No Stars] (Out of ****)
I have a confession.
At times, especially the eerily quiet early morning hours, when working on a project at home, I'll have the television on next to my computer. Usually I'll slip in a "Northern Exposure" or "Seinfeld" tape that I've seen a dozen times before. Since I know the shows by heart, they provide audio companions that don't require much consideration. It's like having friends over that I don't have to pay any attention to.
Occasionally I'll channel-surf searching for an innocuous nature documentary or old sit-com for background chatter. Sometimes around 4:00 am, I'll run into horrendous soap operas that are, for some odd reason, broadcast while most people sleep. I assume these exist because the network hopes insomniacs will watch anything in the wee hours, even faux drama with little plot and less acting talent.
"Cruel Intentions", despite its thematic similarity to these, could never aspire to be even that good.
Sebastian Valmont (Ryan Phillippe) and his step-sister Kathryn (Sarah Michelle Gellar) are spoiled rich kids who get their kicks by manipulating other spoiled rich kids. Sebastian's hobby is bedding down his female classmates by any means available. Kathryn is out for revenge on innocent Cecile (Selma Blair) who inadvertently stole her boyfriend.
Somewhere in the middle of this, the siblings bet on Sebastian's ability to successfully deflower Annette (Reese Witherspoon), a sweet young thing who has written a pro-virginity manifesto for a national teen magazine. If Kathryn wins, she gets his vintage Jaguar. If he wins, she'll give him the ride he really wants.
Kathryn begins her Machiavellian scheme by pretending to be childlike Cecile's best friend and turning her into a "bad girl." Advising Cecile to "sleep with as many people as possible," she sets her up for Sebastian's alcohol-assisted seduction. Meanwhile he is beginning to have real feelings for Annette. At least he's supposed to be having those feelings. You'd never know it from watching the actor.
The plot has some solid ground, based, as it is, on the eighteenth century "Les Liaisons Dangereuses". The loose re-make of "Dangerous Liaisons" with younger actors quickly turns that ground into quicksand as it gets mired down in its own inanity.
There's not an actor in the batch that creates a believable character. Both Witherspoon and Blair come across as Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm but without the depth. Gellar desperately wants to play a vamp but doesn't have the acting chops to pull it off. Phillippe struts around looking like a Greek god and prettier than any of the girls, but doesn't demonstrate any emotions beyond boredom.
The movie is designed to draw in the young teenage market who are able to talk their way into an R-rated film. It's filled with gratuitous sexual supposed-taboos. There's an inter-racial romance, a gay encounter, almost-incestuous gropings and dirty talk. When Kathryn teaches Cecile about making out, we're treated to an extended close-up of the girls French-kissing.
Every action is presented in the most exploitive manner possible. The film is homophobic, sexist, racist, classist and just about every other word that ends with "ist."
What else could we expect? Give an involved French novel to director Roger Kumble, responsible for some of the most uninspired films in recent history ("Dumb And Dumber", "National Lampoon's Senior Trip"), aim it towards teens and the outcome is inevitable. If this is what Hollywood thinks America's youth finds entertaining, the industry is in trouble…or the country is.
The movie is remarkable in its ability to grow more insipid with each passing moment. It's one of the few that I can remember turning to the person sitting next to me and asking, in astonishment, if the film could possibly be as bad as it seemed.
Even the tenth viewing of the episode where George is concerned about "shrinkage" holds more surprises. And you don't have to sit in a huge dark room for two hours watching it.
(Michael Redman has written this column for longer than the characters in "Cruel Intentions" have been alive and thinks that even his reviews would make a better movie. Email your cinematic disappointments to Redman@indepen.com.)
[This appeared in the 3/11/99 "Bloomington Independent", Bloomington, Indiana. Michael Redman can be contacted at Redman@indepen.com]
-- mailto:redman@indepen.com This week's film review: http://www.indepen.com/ Film reviews archive: http://us.imdb.com/M/reviews_by?Michael%20Redman Y2K articles: http://www.indepen.com/
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