LOST & FOUND A film review by Steve Rhodes Copyright 1999 Steve Rhodes RATING (0 TO ****): 1/2
Here's a helpful hint for would-be filmmakers that I offer free of charge. If you're dead set on ripping off the funniest movies of the previous year (THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY), make sure that your film's opening sequence has at least some humorous aspect. Jeff Pollack's LOST & FOUND has an opening that is a Guinness Book of World Records contender for the movie with the fastest time to put an audience to sleep.
To be fair, there is much more wrong with the picture than Pollack's clumsy directing and the lame script by James B. Cook, Marc Meeks and David Spade. The story's star, "Saturday Night Live" veteran David Spade, as Dylan Ramsey, sleepwalks through the movie, which features him in almost every scene.
French actress Sophie Marceau, who was so intelligently intriguing and sensuously romantic last year in FIRELIGHT, is completely wasted playing opposite Spade as Lila Dubois, an attractive woman who lives in Dylan's apartment complex. The picture allows you to admire her beauty but nothing more. Mostly you feel sorry for her for getting stuck in such a bad movie.
Typical of the story's recycled humor is the oven that belches fires when opened. And then there are the flatulence jokes. Dylan plays cards with some plump old ladies, who let off gas and make crude comments about it being "crop dusting." The game? A strip poker game in which Dylan loses every hand, forcing him to leave their apartment naked. It plays just as badly as it sounds. This movie is more likely to elicit groans than laughs.
The movie features a stream of dog abuse jokes. We get to listen as a sweet little terrier flips around and around in the heat of a dryer, and we watch as he is force-fed a bottle Pepto Bismol. Supposedly, someone will find such humor funny.
The movie isn't a complete waste as we get tidbits of Dylan's philosophy. "Never date a girl who pays her rent in singles," is one. We also get a putdown line that I'm sure you guys will want to include in your mental bag of tricks. When you ditch a woman or she ditches you, just tell her, "Honey, when the phone ain't ringing, that isn't me calling." That's sure put your ex-girlfriend in her place.
LOST & FOUND continues the recent trend of bad movies whose only decent segments occur during the closing credits. As the credits roll, the actors ham it up as they dance to an energetic rock beat. This two-minute music video is the only portion of the movie worth seeing.
LOST & FOUND runs a long 1:35. It is rated PG-13 for crude humor, sexuality, brief nudity and profanity and would be fine for teenagers.
Email: Steve.Rhodes@InternetReviews.com Web: www.InternetReviews.com
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