STAR WARS EPISODE I - THE PHANTOM MENACE w/ Liam Neeson, Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman Dir: George Lucas
The Thumbs For Sale! review by Roger Gerbig
Believe it or not, these Thumbs! hitchhiked all the way from the sunny Central Coast of California to Columbia, Tennessee (business trip) to catch an opening night show of "Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace." Sometimes you do what you have to do. After all, this self-styled movie critic and his army of droids--er--interns is but one of the legion of complete and total "Star Wars" fans who when all else seems boring and mundane, turn to tracking small disturbances in the Force like some turn to bickering about tiny variations in a day's weather.
That's what I call an active lifestyle.
Fortunately though, I never let this obsession get the best of me. I've remained cool, collected and placidly normal over the years--never even once showing up to a job interview brandishing my lightsaber.
In the sixteen odd years since the last installment, some things in the "Star Wars" universe have changed, while others haven't. "Phantom Menace" opens up roughly 30 years (or about the time it would take George Lucas to crank out 5.45 "Star Wars" movies) before the original trilogy. The tiny planet, Naboo--featuring what may be the first viable ecosystem of any planet visited in the Lucas universe--is under siege by the Trade Federation, which appears to be quite a sinister Political Action Committee replete with deep pockets, an army of droids, and leaders who have no noses. And judging by their near complete inability to lip sync to their dialogue, the Viceroy and his sidekick may just have been borrowed from the Japanese touring company of "Star Wars on Ice."
Being that this is sort of a dicey situation, the Republic wastes no time sending in a couple of Jedi Knights, Qui-Gon Jinn (Neeson) and Obi-Wan Kenobi (McGregor), to negotiate a settlement of sorts. Of course, things go a bit wrong and soon those lightsabers are pressed into action. Then things get worse when the Trade Federation decides to stray from the peaceful pasture of planetary orbit and stage a full-blown invasion of Naboo.
All of which illustrates the first major problem I had with this flick. You see, the Jedi are basically a couple MBAs (that's Mythical Bad Asses in Thumbs! speak). Every line they utter (when not rehashing "classics" from the first trilogy) drips with self-importance and excessive knowledge of the way things are. And Lucas makes it abundantly apparent that when it's a lightsaber vs. a legion, the lightsaber reigns supreme. Sure, in the first 45 minutes alone they're chased by battle droids, forced to stow away on enemy ships, nearly stomped on by the Federation's war machine, hunted mercilessly by the really big fish in the pond, and finally driven to flee to the far corners of the galaxy. But there's never really any sense of danger during any of this turmoil. They're just a couple of Jedi, caught in an amazing universe of special effects.
The furious pace of plot and planet hopping are nearly guaranteed to make you feel like you've embarked on an extended bus tour of the universe. Sure, it's great to see the sights, but Lucas the driver leaves you wondering if you'll ever get a chance to make a pit stop. In fact, it's debatable whether or not this tour guide would ever stop long enough at a roadside stand for you to buy some trinkets for the folks back home.
The rather thin plot labors under being a setup piece for parts II and III of this trilogy, and suffers from some ill-begotten cloning of certain characteristics of "Return of the Jedi." When all the films are completed, I can assure you that this one will be the least able to stand on its own.
As our heroes rocket across the galaxy collecting cast members and bumper stickers (Tattooine is for Lovers!), it suddenly occurred to me how deficient the characters were--at least in comparison to those in the first series. It's not bad acting, it's just the purely functional nature of the dialogue. Apparently, as a species, humans aren't all that funny (Han Solo being a notable exception). Just forget your dream of having a career in stand-up comedy in the ring of clubs dotting the edge of the Republic. Unless you've got floppy ears, fur, or skin tones that lean toward the blue end of the spectrum, that is.
Which leads us to the requisite Jar Jar Binks paragraph. Every other critic has one, so why can't I? For those of you doing time in Jabba's dungeons, Mr. Binks is the klutzy amphibious alien dude entrusted with 96% of the humor present in the script. Already the most controversial character in the "Star Wars" universe, I'll limit my critique to one point: Upon occasion, someone really needs to come between Lucas and his marketing "yes" men and casually mention that, "um...this ain't necessarily funny."
Now, if we could just schedule him and a squad of Ewoks to engage in a little Ultimate Fighting between themselves... There's a pay-per-view event even I'd pay for.
While it's obvious that I have a few complaints, I will say your entertainment dollar isn't wasted. Not only are the visuals spectacular, but Lucasfilm had enough common sense to keep some of the better ones out of the previews. And, if you missed subtlety the first time around, as I did, rest assured. A second viewing does wonders for the actors' performances. Portman's regal Queen Amidala makes a plausible case against business casual dress in the workplace, and Darth Maul's actually pretty evil despite his vaguely devilish good looks and M.C. Hammer-inspired getup. Subtlety also befriends the finer points of production design. These are fabulously-realized worlds we're visiting here, though I still wish I could open the bus's window!
Unfortunately, I'm completely incapable of lowering my expectations of an event such as this, which didn't serve me well. "Phantom Menace" just isn't a good enough movie to shatter said expectations. But it is an event. It is entertaining. And it's got enough of those classic holes in the plot (why wasn't Obi-Wan able to sense a certain dark presence when he was standing less than five feet away?) to merit much frivolous discussion over the next few years until the next installment arrives.
And here's one perhaps all of you can help me out with: since main Jedi characters tend to have hyphenated first names like "Obi-Wan" and "Qui-Gon", why wasn't that other famous Jedi named something like "Luke-Warm Skywalker?"
At any rate, a good show!
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