The Blair Witch Project (1999) Review by Chad Dowdell ** out of *****
Cast: Heather Donahue, Michael C. Williams, Joshua Leonard Written and Directed by: Daniel Myrick and Eduardo Sanchez Running Time: 87 minutes Date Reviewed: August 3, 1999
***Be warned... the following review contains some harsh language***
The Blair Witch Project. Quite possibly the least scariest movie of all time. If you want to see real terror on the big screen go back and watch any scene with Jar Jar Binks in The Phantom Menace, because this movie is not scary or even remotely creepy.
My colleague and friend Chuck Dowling wrote that if less is more, then the Blair Witch filmmakers must have thought that nothing is more. And this worked for him. Well, I'm sorry, but nothing... is NOTHING!!!!! NOTHING IS NOT MORE. IT'S NOTHIIIIIINGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!.
I do not pay 5 dollars to see nothing. "Nothing" is free, available all around the world at a location near you.
I am absolutely in amazement that some people find this movie scary. I could just discount them and say, "Well, I guess they are just pansy chicken shits who are probably scared of their own shadow." But I have intelligent friends who like this movie and so that doesn't hold water. There must be some other reason. (Then again, maybe my first thought is correct, I think I'll try pointing their shadow out to them one day and test their reaction.)
When I hear people praising this film, I never hear them talking about what makes up about 97% of this movie: three kids bickering with each other about being lost. They only talk about what might make up possibly 3 to 4 minutes of screen time. This being a few very short night scenes where the kids hear some unscary sounds and another where they shout "Josh!!" over and over. This film should not be called The Blair Witch Project, it should more accurately be called THREE DUMB AND PISSPOOR FILMMAKERS GET LOST... AND ARGUE WITH EACH OTHER.
Oh ladies and gentlemen you will be so scared when you hear them shouting "Josh!!". And if you thought that was scary, wait till you see a pile of rocks, and then some tinkertoy lincoln logs, oh my dear lord you will be pissing in your pants with fear. Oh yeah, and some goo on one of their backpacks. You've never seen terror like this folks, and you don't want to. The Chevy Chase/Goldie Hawn comedy Foul Play is creepier than this film. (For current films, I highly recommend The Sixth Sense or A Stir of Echoes for a creepy filmgoing experience.)
This film is an example of marketing with no substance. The marketing was brilliant, and the whole nation is in awe of just the premise for the film. They want this film to be good. And I think they are reaching and praising the wrong movie because they don't have anything else to praise. That wonderful film that rejuvenates the horror genre may come along, but this is not it. This film could have been SO much better. Just think, if maybe there had been only 10 minutes of arguing about being lost, and 80 minutes of nighttime stuff.
I saw this movie with a girl who was extremely pumped for it. She was sold on this film. And then, at one point during it, she turned to me and asked '...are we supposed to be scared by this?'.
I've heard one opinion that you "have to use your imagination" to create the fear in this movie. Well, I thought that was what the filmmakers were supposed to do. Use THEIR imagination and create a good movie. I mean anyone can use their imagination and not pay 5 bucks for it. But even if you like this idea, then what are you imagining? An entity called the blair witch? Some rednecks fucking with these kids? Are either of these things really scary when you think about it???
I've heard several people say that this movie makes them recall how scary it can be to be out in the woods and hear something. Well sure thats scary in real life, but there are a lot of things that are scary in real life that are not scary in a movie nor even interesting. You could sit in your house and see a snake or a spider and it could be scary, but in a film it wouldn't be.
And no, a movie does not need a big budget or CGI special effects to be scary or creepy. Actually the less the better (see the equally awful remake of The Haunting). But you have to do SOMETHING. You cant just count on us all having nostalgic memories of how something like this COULD BE SCARY, if it were real. And by the way, about the shakycam filming in Blair Witch. Aren't these supposed to be "filmmakers" who should know how to point a camera and shoot something without shaking the camera constantly? I'm not even talking about the couple scenes where they are terrified, that's justified. I'm talking about the other 87 minutes of the movie where they can't seem to shoot anything smoothly at all. Minor quibble there.
There is a feeling in me that the people that like this movie are suckers. That the filmmakers are just laughing their asses off all the way to the bank. And I think there is a good chance they will see this film again and say to themselves "what was I thinking??". But, if they don't, then thats fine. If it works for them then that's okay I guess. I just lament that by making this movie a hit, we are going to be subjected to more of the "nothing is more" approach. Pretty soon we're going to get some movies like this: just a still shot of a prison jail cell. For 90 minutes. And we'll have to use our imagination and think to ourselves, "my god, wouldn't it be scary to spend life in prison?!! This movie is the scariest movie of all time!!!!!". Or, a shot of a coffin, with some funeral directors arguing with each other. "Man, do you know how scary it would be to die???!!!! Now THIS is the scariest movie of all time!!!!" [R]
Chad Dowdell -- deniro1@leading.net The Jacksonville Film Journal URL:http://users.southeast.net/~chuckd21/
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