Brokedown Palace (1999) 1/2 star out of 4. Starring Claire Danes, Kate Beckinsale and Bill Pullman.
If I were pitching "Brokedown Palace" to a movie producer, I could do it in one sentence: "Midnight Express" meets "Chicks in Chains," MTV-style.
In other words, this turgid melodrama is derivative of every other movie involving Americans jailed in Third World prisons.
There is not an original frame of celluloid in this tripe, which is aimed at impressionable, MTV-watching young girls who movie executives hope swoon over Claire Danes and would enjoy watching her suffer nobly.
"Brokedown Palace" also commits the cardinal sin of being boring.
The two young women caught in this dire predicament are so self-absorbed and naive that you really can't muster any sympathy for them.
Danes and Kate Beckinsale portray Alice and Darlene, recent high school graduates who decide to have one last summer of fun before going off to college. The girls are told about scenic Thailand, where they can enjoy themselves for weeks for a mere $500.
Of course, the girls' parents nix the Far East, so Alice and Darlene lie, telling them they are going to Hawaii. And they go to Thailand, anyway. I mean, how much fun can Hawaii be?
Once in Thailand, the girls take in the sights and meet a smooth-talking, charming young Australian who wines, dines and beds them.
Nick, who claims to work in software, invites the girls to meet him in Hong Kong for a weekend of fun. He even buys their tickets.
As the girls are about to board their plane - faster than you can utter "Return to Paradise" - they are busted by armed Thai police who find a hefty supply of drugs in their backpack.
Thai justice is swift, and before you can mutter "Brad Davis," Alice and Darlene are tried, convicted and sentenced to 30-plus years in prison.
There, they must cope with all manner of indignities - tough guards, crappy food, American-hating inmates - as well as the disintegration of their friendship as each begins to blame the other for their plight.
"Brokedown Palace" is a testament to cliché. The film's only glimmer comes during its finale - the "noble sacrifice" moment that will have all the teens in the audience reaching for the Kleenex.
Danes and Beckinsale try hard to breathe some life into this turkey, but nothing can revive it.
Bill Pullman as the girls' lawyer shows some spunk, but his role calls for him to mainly look quizzical at Alice and Darlene and try to figure out who is lying and who is telling the truth.
Lou Diamond Phillips is totally wasted as a DEA agent at the U.S. embassy who won't lift a finger to help the girls.
Watching "Brokedown Palace" is like a long prison stretch. Unlike Alice and Darlene, though, you can escape.
Bob Bloom is the film critic at the Journal and Courier in Lafayette, IN. He can be reached by e-mail at bloom@journal-courier.com or at cbloom@iquest.net
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