THE ASTRONAUT'S WIFE A film review by David N. Butterworth Copyright 1999 David N. Butterworth
** (out of ****)
Something not of this world is gestating in Charlize Theron's tummy, and methinks not-what-he-seems hubby Johnny Depp--who just returned from deep space with a weird look on his face--is the responsible party.
That's all you really need to know about "The Astronaut's Wife," a silly and inconsequential little thriller about some icky alien space spawn insinuating its way into the lives of two very attractive people, causing them to re-evaluate their lives as human beings. It begs the best bits of the "Species" series and borrows the worst bits of the "Alien" series; in between, there's some stuff worth watching and there's a lot of stuff that isn't.
If you've seen the trailer, you've seen the film. In retrospect, the trailer is actually more satisfying than the full-length feature, since it gets to the point much more quickly and omits the dumbbell finale, which to appreciate fully requires an understanding of electrical conductivity.
Nevertheless, Depp and Theron have never looked so attractive on screen, each sporting short-cropped blond hair and an endless wardrobe of fancy duds. So alike are our two leads that at times it's hard to tell which one's the astronaut and which one's the wife. But as we've learned time and time again (the most recent example being "Eyes Wide Shut"), good-looking performers do not a movie make. Since Depp will soon co-star with a headless horseman (Thanksgiving's "Sleepy Hollow") and Theron recently shared top billing with a large gorilla (Disney's "Mighty Joe Young"), the allure of going head-to-head with some yucky space issue must have been irresistible.
Joe Morton, typically so reliable, overdoes it as a government shirt who cottons on to Depp's identity crisis following the two minutes NASA lost contact with him. An unrecognizable Samantha Eggar has a brief scene as Theron's gynecologist.
But perhaps the film's most bizarre moment occurs when Theron's character, relieved that her husband's antique radio isn't blasting out those secret alien transmissions, flips up her collar and goes into a gratuitous salsa grind, heading for the refrigerator and downing the Redi-Whip faster than you can scream "wanton product placement!"
"The Astronaut's Wife" could have been a better movie had the commitment Depp and Theron brought to the project been imitated by writer/director Rand Ravich, whose uncreative screenplay can't decide whether to be a horror show, plain and simple, or something deeper. As it is "The Astronaut's Wife" is predictable and uneventful, despite the valiant attempts of its pretty players.
-- David N. Butterworth dnb@dca.net
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