Imagine Joan Cusack as a weird, wild and wonderful woman with certain insecurities about herself, living in a town not unlike Mayberry or Pleasantville. She falls in love with an older reporter (Hector Elizondo) who comes into town trying to verify rumors about a bride who runs from each and every wedding opportunity, hence Cusack. Cusack falls for the old tiger, but differences settle in about age difference, and she confides in a therapist (Richard Gere) who is a bespectacled man with a mustache - somewhere within this stiff she finds an attractive man if he would only shave that mustache and remove the glasses. Unfortunately. Gere has an attractive sister (Julia Roberts) who tries to protect him from her wooing. Naturally, Cusack ends up with Elizondo but there is a sense of bitterness and sadness that she did not end up with Gere. Alas, "Runaway Bride," although be warned that the plot description I just offered is not the movie itself. This is simply something I thought of while watching and trying to stay awake with this stale, laughless stupidity of a movie.
In reality, Garry Marshall's latest romantic comedy confection stars Richard Gere as "Ike" Graham, a columnist for the USA Today who has trouble coming up with any fresh ideas. He resorts to going to the local bar and is inspired by a patron who speaks of a "runaway bride," a woman who leaves men at the altar. Almost immediately Ike writes the column based on the patron's testimony (though this is never really made clear). Women on the street berate Ike and hit him on the head with rolled-up newspapers before he discovers a snarling letter from the bride herself printed by the editor. Apparently, Ike misrepresented many facts and exaggerated many figures. He is fired by the editor, his former wife (Rita Wilson). Now, Ike goes to this picture-postcard, Mayberry-like town and confronts the snarling woman, Maggie Carpenter (Julia Roberts). She is about to get married again, and Ike senses that she will run like a rabbit again. Or will she succumb to Gere's charm and smooth-talking demeanor? And is it possible that good romantic comedies are a thing of the past?
Basically, the formula is set up for this movie, and all the cliches are in place, and nothing else. This is one of the most charmless, dullest and periodically dumbest movies I have ever seen. How can a respected director like Marshall reduce Gere and Roberts to cardboard cutouts with about as much sex and romantic appeal as a pair of refrigerators? Roberts is actually boring to watch in this movie - her wide grins and "duckbill platypus" mugging is unflattering to say the least. Gere seems more stiff than ever, and shares no charisma or chemistry with Roberts. Interesting, considering what a solid pair they were in "Pretty Woman," also directed by Marshall. I never understood the latter's success but it had gobs of wit and real emotions unlike this scrap heap. Nevertheless, Gere and Roberts felt like real people in that movie - here they are sitcom variations.
While desperately trying to stay awake, I noticed a couple of nods to "Pretty Woman," a cameo by Garry Marshall at a baseball game, and a video copy of "The Graduate," one of my favorite comedies of all time. There also is one good line about Fed-Ex trucks, and a couple of briefly delicious moments by the droll Elizondo. Outside of that, this "Bride" is of little merit. Even the quirky Joan Cusack (not weird as she is described by Roberts) is often excruciating. Jean Schertler as Grandma supplies a couple of chuckles but nothing more. And for trivia buffs, there is Julia's sister, Lisa Roberts, as "Elaine from Manhattan" in one scene.
Forget the silly "Pretty Woman," "Notting Hill," released earlier this year, was one of the best films of Julia's career - she carried the film with grace and subtlety and had the good sense of co-starring with the daffy Hugh Grant. They had sweet chemistry and had a solidly good script to boot from "Four Weddings and a Funeral" scribe, Richard Curtis. "Runaway Bride" has none of those virtues and seems to have been made in a rush. My advice to Ms. Roberts about future romantic comedies is to follow Lola's example: Run Julia Run!
For more reviews, check out JERRY AT THE MOVIES at http://buffs.moviething.com/buffs/faust/
E-mail me with questions, concerns, or complaints at Faust667@aol.com or at jerry@movieluver.com
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