The Thirteenth Warrior (1999) Reviewed by Eugene Novikov http://www.ultimate-movie.com Member: Online Film Critics Society
**1/2 out of four
"I am not a warrior." "Very Soon, you will be."
Starring Antonio Banderas, Diane Venora, Omar Sharif, Vladimir Kulich, Dennis Storhøi, Maria Bonnevie. Rated R.
Michael Crichton is quite a character; his films could use a little. The Thirteenth Warrior, John McTiernan's long-delayed adaptation of Crichton's Eaters of the Dead is gleefully entertaining in its tongue- in-cheek delivery and its pseudo-rite-of-passage tale, but its bloody battle scenes lack soul. A factor to elevate the movie above mediocrity seems to always be missing. It's campy fun, but it fails to ever become good filmmaking.
McTiernan casts Antonio Banderas as Ahmahd ibn Fahdalan, a Muslim (yeah, right) who travels the world as an ambassador. He wonders into Norse territory and meets a group of engimatic warriors. As he is wining and dining with them, a message is brought: the Norse are being attacked by horrendous monsters and the warriors must choose thirteen men to fight them. The catch: the thirteenth man must be from another, preferably faraway land. Three guesses on who the chosen one is. A hint: it's a Muslim who looks oddly like Zorro.
The lucky baker's dozen sets off into the Viking lands to seek out and destroy this mysterious nemesis. An unwitting Ahmahd soon winds up discovering his warrior instincts. It turns out that even though he may not be hot stuff with a sword, he can wreak havoc if you give him a really big knife. Soon, he is fighting alongside his companions and getting passionate about his mission, which he did not choose to accept. Along with dedication comes the respect of his new peers. Before he knows it, he is a warrior -- and a man.
The Thirteenth Warrior takes its story very seriously, but its delivery has intermittent touches of wit. The film does its best to rid itself of any sense of pretension. There it succeeds: it isn't a significant movie in any way shape or form and it knows it, making its sole purpose to have some fun with its premise. Is it fun? On occasion. The movie is at its best when there is no fighting going on; it becomes curiously airy then, and as such, entertaining.
The problems lie in the battle scenes. While the rest of the film is inventive and sometimes even exhilirating, its action centerpieces come off as almost perfunctory. There is nothing fresh in the fight scenes; heads roll, blood flies through the air, but it all blends together. There is little that's distinctive or that can grab our attention. It's sensationally gory, but it lacks the audaciousness to make the gore amount to much of anything.
It is obviously difficult to accept Antonio Banderas as Ahmahd. Everytime he took out a sword or a knife, I expected him to carve a "Z" into something. He is a good actor, but he has been horridly miscast. I never had the feeling that I was watching anything other than Antonio Banderas playing someone he wasn't meant to play. Dennis Storhøi, on the other hand, is interesting as the Viking warrior who befriends Ahmahd. He's the sort of wisecracking sidekick-but-not-really we've come to expect from these kinds of movies, but with a twist: he is the protagonist's mentor rather than helper.
Here's a movie that works like a charm until it gets to the scenes that are supposed to be its highlight. Almost everything here works, except the most important element. As a result, The Thirteenth Warrior is just plain ok. ©1999 Eugene Novikov‰
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