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Let me make this point first – Godzilla isn't even as good as the inferior South Park episode starring Barbra Streisand as the lizard king. It's a horrendously long, poorly acted, unoriginal piece of crap that made me sad to be a Japanese-American.
Brought to you by the creative team responsible for the reprehensible but slightly more entertaining Independence Day, Godzilla breaks virtually no new ground in terms of mayhem, destruction or disaster. You've seen it all before – giant reptile running through a major city (The Lost World: Jurassic Park), doing the breaststroke (Alien Resurrection) and multiplying like a bunny (Gremlins). Mix it up with some of the most obvious product placement scenes ever and you've got yourself one hell of a condemnable snoozer.
Can I mention the glaring omission of people being chomped up by the great beast? Why bother giving him sharp pointy teeth if he ain't gonna use humans for chew toys? They've made Godzilla into such a PC/PG panty waste, that if he ever did show up on Manhattan, the kids would want to hug it instead of running away in terror. Barney is actually a more offensive creature, albeit on a completely different level.
Yeah, the beginning is all right and the ending is OK, but what the hell happened to the 90 minutes in the middle? I guess the filmmakers felt that they needed an opportunity to showcase the fantastic story and Oscar caliber acting. It's certainly understandable, since most people are paid to see Maria Pitillo and not the actual monster.
Maybe I was expecting too much originality. I mean if I made this film, I would have had Godzilla dry humping buildings, taking a huge dump into Yankee Stadium, using Patrick Ewing as a toothpick and cramming subway cars up its ass. But that's just me. I like things dark.
And as if that wasn't enough recycling, just wait until the closing credits where Puff Daddy shuffles all over Led Zeppelin's `Kashmir'. A perfect ending to a perfectly boring film.
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