Mystery, Alaska (1999)
Russell Crowe, Hank Azaria, Mary McCormack, Burt Reynolds, Colm Meaney,Lolita Davidovich, Maury Chaykin, Ron Eldard, Ryan Northcott, Michael Buie, Kevin Durand, Scott Grimes, Judith Ivey, Rachel Wilson, Mike Myers, Joshua Silberg, Regan Macelwain, Jim Fox, Phil Esposito, Doug McLeod. Screenplay by David E. Kelley and Sean O'Byrne. Directed by Jay Roach. 118 minutes. Rated R, 2 stars (out of five stars)
Review by Ed Johnson-Ott, NUVO Newsweekly www.nuvo-online.com Archive reviews at http://us.imdb.com/M/reviews_by?Edward+Johnson-ott To receive reviews by e-mail at no charge, send subscription requests to ejohnsonott@prodigy.net
On paper, "Mystery, Alaska" looks like a winner. The premise - - an article about a small town hockey team prompts the New York Rangers to come calling for an exhibition game - - sounds like fun. The cast contains a slew of top notch actors, including Russell Crowe ("L.A. Confidential") and Ron Eldard ("Men Behaving Badly"), along with Mary McCormack, Lolita Davidovich and the always sturdy Burt Reynolds, supported by reliable character actors Colm Meaney ("Star Trek: The Next Generation"), Hank Azaria (Apu from "The Simpsons"), and Maury Chaykin. The film even boasts dandy cameo appearances from Mike Myers and Little Richard. So why is "Mystery, Alaska" such a mess?
The answer: David E. Kelley.
Kelley, who co-wrote the film with Sean O'Byrne, is also the man behind the inert "Jaws"-with-an-alligator rip-off "Lake Placid," and the TV series "Picket Fences," "Chicago Hope," "Snoops," "Ally McBeal" and "The Practice." He was crowned King of Hollywood last month when "Ally McBeal" and "The Practice" won Emmys for Best Comedy and Best Drama.
Angered when "The Practice" beat the infinitely superior series, "The Sopranos," a number of alternative journalists recently declared war on Kelley, turning out lengthy attacks on the absurdly prolific writer. For the record, I want to make one thing clear: I disliked David E. Kelley long before it became trendy.
While Kelley possesses some undeniable gifts, particularly the ability to convincingly present both sides of an argument, he is essentially a stunt writer. He takes characters and situations straight out of "The Jerry Springer Show," removes the trailer park accents and presents the resultant bathos as cutting edge television. He clutters his shows with snarky interpersonal conflicts, and delights in presenting overblown speeches, preferably in a courtroom setting (during "Lake Placid," I half-expected to see the alligator hauled in front of a judge).
Virtually all of Kelley's worst tendencies run unchecked in "Mystery, Alaska." For most of the film, the hockey story is smothered beneath relationship blathering and a stream of hammy speeches (and, yes, there is a courtroom scene). Eventually, the main story kicks in, building to a finale that tries to be a frost-bitten "Hoosiers."
The production even includes one of the most annoying movie clichés, the "Rudy" clap. It goes like this. In a dramatic situation where real humans would immediately break into thunderous applause, the "Rudy" clap attempts to stir audience emotions by having one character slowly begin applauding. Gradually, his handclaps grow faster and faster as others join in and the whole thing builds to a full-fledged ovation. On my irritation-meter, the "Rudy" clap lands somewhere between calls from telemarketers and performances by Carrot Top.
The story starts off well, with the weekly hockey game that has long been a tradition in the tiny burg of Mystery. The game is entertaining and the players are an enjoyable lot. But then the avalanche of subplots begins. An early draft of this review included two paragraphs packed with subplot descriptions, but I'll spare you the details.
While the 90 minutes that precede the big game are mostly tedious, there are some nice moments. Ron Eldard is enjoyable as the village Lothario. A sex scene between two randy teens provides big laughs, as does the bit where a player is punished by being pushed into a snow bank while wearing only a jock strap. But most of the fun occurs during the final half-hour, as little Mystery tries to keep their dignity in the midst of the media circus surrounding the exhibition game. Mike Myers draws smiles as a smarmy color commentator and Mayor Pitcher conspires with Little Richard to turn a rendition of the National anthem into a tactical advantage for the team.
But oh, do you have to pay for those good parts. I suggest you wait until "Mystery, Alaska" hits cable. Then you can settle back and enjoy the minor pleasures of this trifle while reading a good book during the dull sections. Come to think of it, that's what I do on those rare occasions when I watch one of David E. Kelley's TV shows.
© 1999 Ed Johnson-Ott
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