BOXING HELENA
A film review by Jon Webb
Copyright 1993 Jon Webb
A while ago I saw a movie called something like LADY IN THE WINDOW, which was filmed here in Pittsburgh. It was about a department store window designer and the man who was sexually obsessed with her. She eventually defeated him by incorporating him in her window design, or something. I remember Horne's department store figured prominently.
BOXING HELENA makes me think of this movie for two reasons. First, like LADY IN THE WINDOW, it is about sexual obsession. Second, LADY IN THE WINDOW is the only movie I can remember that is actually worse than BOXING HELENA. (To be fair, I'm sure there have been five or so more; I just can't think of them right now.)
BOXING HELENA has the raw, gritty feel of a junior high-school drama production. People spit out ridiculous lines with no conviction whatsoever. More than anything else, it shows how important good direction is to a film, and how badly things can go wrong when the director has no idea whatsoever what she is doing.
Jennifer Lynch, who directed this amazing bomb, should have worked for a while as assistant director, or something like that, on other films. She might have picked up a few pointers on motivating people, and learned how to pace a film. As it is, her creation of this stinker is a strong argument for the passage of anti-nepotism laws in Hollywood. Who knows -- this movie could ultimately have the impact JFK did, and lead to national legislation. (And probably also to a movement to make sure film stock is recyclable; it is the only way some good will come of the print.)
The actors are real professionals: Sherlyn Fenn, Julian Sands, Art Garfunkel. They have all been in reasonable films. Sherilyn Fenn even achieves a kind of effective performance here; there's something about the way she holds herself in the quadraplegic scenes that is moving, a little.
One thing that is sad about this movie is that Lynch seems to have had some interesting ideas. Besides the plot itself, which is at least original, there's one scene where Fenn teaches Sands how to make love to a woman, that is fun. There are also Sands's nervous habits, like changing his shirt all the time and putting some sort of ear drops in his ear, neither of which is explained, that are intriguing in a Lynch-esque way.
*No one* should see this film. Even if you are thinking about it because it sounds strange and interesting, don't go. You will live a happier life if you don't have to carry the memory of this dreck around with you.
-- J
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