PLANET SICK-BOY: http://www.sick-boy.com
More of a soft-core porno than a sci-fi thriller, Species II fails to live up to its predecessor in terms of story, direction or amount of nudity. And let's face it, the bar wasn't really set that high to begin with. Errr…except for the latter.
The whole idea of the story is so implausible that it makes David Lynch easy to understand. It seems that the government has recreated the alien from the first film – the one that they destroyed – in an attempt to evaluate potential vulnerabilities on the off chance that they ever choose to attack Earth. This time, she's called Eve (Natasha Henstridge, Maximum Risk) and is isolated in a high security lab far away from the men that she needs to procreate. This babe gets all moist when she sees Michael Madsen, so you know she's just aching for it. Like Banky says in Chasing Amy, `Chicks need dick. I mean, they just plain NEED it' and Eve is certainly no exception.
The dick is Patrick Ross (Justin Lazard), the astronaut son of a successful Senator (James Cromwell, Babe). We are introduced to Patrick as he becomes the first man to walk on Mars, in a mission to collect dirt from the red planet. Why a three-man crew needed to do this, I will never know.
In this dirt is some very unfriendly space goo that thaws and runs about the floor of the spacecraft. As it reaches the unsuspecting trio, they suddenly lose about eight minutes of time. This is fine with me because it's eight less minutes that I have to suffer through on the screen.
Did I mention that the ship is plastered with advertisements for various companies that really exist? I was relieved to find out that Microsoft doesn't take over the world in the future, but my contentment was short lived because I think that Species II actually takes place in the present. My evidence is twofold – the presence of a Bill Clinton photo behind Senator Ross' desk and the Clinton-esque Richard Belzer portraying the leader of the free world.
Anyway, the space goo gets all into Patrick's head and somehow turns him into an alien. This means that every time he bangs some girl, she becomes instantly pregnant and gives violent bloody birth in a just a few minutes. Since Patrick is a national hero, he's getting all kinds of hot action - including two sisters - and soon has a whole pack of creepy Village of the Damned type kids following him around. In other news, Patrick's blood can also morph into an alien. I don't even know what this means.
The government, led by fathead Marilyn Manson twin Colonel Carter Burgess (George Dzundza, Basic Instinct), hires the fathead who helped save the planet in the first picture, Press Lennox (Madsen, Reservoir Dogs). Together, they track down Patrick and find an unlikely ally in sickle-cell anemia. Now that's a strange twist.
On a positive note, Species II is mercifully short and boasts a collection of at least five pairs of naked breasts. It is the latter, not the former, that results in the PLANET SICK-BOY rating.
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