BATS * (out of five stars) A review by Jamey Hughton
Starring-Lou Diamond Phillips, Dina Meyer, Leon, Bob Gunton and Carlos Jacott Director-Louis Morneau Rated 14A Destination
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`Bats' is an insulting slap across the face for any dedicated horror movie fan. To pull something like this off, you need to have a sense of wit and style, with a heavy dosage of humor to back up the process if the fright factor ever declines. Something like the underground worm thriller `Tremors' had just the perfect mixture of these elements, and in return, the film was tremendous fun. With the notable exception of a wisecracking supporting player, `Bats' mainly plays it's premise for straight-arrow horror. Judging by the ridiculous premise, this was not exactly a wise move.
The movie attempts to capture the essence of Alfred Hitchcock's `The Birds', but fails miserably. Done right, it could have been adequately amusing Halloween cinema. Unfortunately, `Bats' is a prime example of a formula movie done terribly, terribly wrong. The only thing amusing about this festering pile of guano is in how intelligible the filmmakers anticipate their core audience to be. I will recite the following paragraph in a manner that will reach the audience of individuals to whom `Bats' is aimed toward.
Those guys in Hollywood have made a movie about bats. These bats are not very nice, because they eat a lot of people. Boy, are these bats ugly. They are infected with this bogus virus that makes them super-duper smart. They've got big claws and red eyes and they are not very friendly at all. A whole bunch of people in Texas get killed, so a sheriff guy and a scientist lady are brought in to kill the bats. They have big guns and other cool things to fight them with, but the bats are pretty smart, so it's sorta hard to do. The bats swoop down and they shoot at them to make they go away for good.
But no, `Bats' is probably too violent for pre-schoolers. The film, directed by Louis Morneau, should have ventured straight into video stores. On the small screen, perhaps more fun could have been derived with lower expectations. But sitting through this crapper on the big screen is almost awkward; although at a few moments it becomes a guilty pleasure, the film is poorly written, poorly acted and executed with glaring ineptitude. Even the bats themselves are cheesy, and the attack sequences too rushed and jittery to be properly enjoyed.
The sheriff in the story is Emmett Kimsey (Lou Diamond Phillips), who embodies every pathetic stereotype a small-town authority figure usually portrays (he chomps on a cigar, struts contentedly in his boots, etc...). The scientist is Dr. Sheila Casper (Dina Meyer), who specializes in flying mammals and is classified as `the best in her field'. Meyer uses a lot of technical terms designed to make the movie seem more intellectually capable, but everything about Dr. Casper is recycled beyond recognition. Her memories of how she became hooked on the topic of bats sounds suspiciously like Oceanographic student Matt Hooper's tale of how he became infatuated with sharks in `Jaws'. Everything revolving around `Bats' is tired drivel, which desperately requires some directorial style or acting capabilities to spruce it up.
The supporting cast could have been constructed out of straw, with voices dubbed in later. In fact, that may have worked out better in the end. Take one glance at Casper's bat-loathing sidekick Jimmy (Leon), and you'll have immediate deja vu - he's the exact same humorous buddy caricature from every other movie, constructed specifically for timed comic relief. Unfortunately, none of his comic interludes are funny. In the role of deranged mad scientist Dr. McCabe, the reliable Bob Gunton gets cornered with the most hideously idiotic character in the bunch. McCabe `accidentally' released two experimental test subjects, and the virus spread to other bats. The entire town of Gallup, Texas is under attack from an enormous swarm of the creatures, but Gunton appears to be inconspicuously contemplating something else. Something like: `When is the damn movie going to be over?? I just want my money.'
The bats are ugly, I must say. There's the occasional moment where they look moderately convincing, but mainly, the swarm is represented in cheesy digital imagery. Only bits of the bloody action even hint at the campy fun the film could have been, but by the absurdly stupid climax, it's way too late in the game for a decent recovery. Characters experiment in slaughtering the bats with gunfire. Let's explore the logic there: is this really a very efficient way to decrease the bat population?? You could empty an entire clip at the flying winged serpents and not even wound one, and after that there are only 18, 000 more of them. This kind of behavior represents the regular level of intelligence behind `Bats'.
(C) 1999, Jamey Hughton
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