MR. NANNY
A film review by James Berardinelli
Copyright 1993 James Berardinelli
MR. NANNY
Rating (Linear 0 to 10): 1.1
Date Released: 10/8/93
Running Length: 1:23
Rated: PG (Violence)
Starring: Terry "Hulk" Hogan, Sherman Hemsley, Austin Pendleton, Robert Gorman, Madeline Zima, Raymond O'Connor Director: Michael Gottlieb Producer: Bob Engelman Screenplay: Edward Rugoff and Michael Gottlieb Music: David Johansen and Brian Koonin Released by New Line Cinema
How's this for a pitch: Hulk Hogan as a babysitter wearing a tutu. While I freely admit that it doesn't sound promising, it's nevertheless astounding that the production team was able to take this simple idea and create one of the most monstrously agonizing motion pictures to come along this year. By comparison, STOP! OR MY MOM WILL SHOOT is actually watchable.
Hulk Hogan plays down-on-his-luck ex-wrestler Sean Armstrong, a man who's afraid to get into the ring again because of recurring bad dreams (these sequences are so violent that they may disturb young viewers). To give Sean something to do, his best buddy and manager Barney (Sherman Hemsley) gets him a job as a bodyguard for computer genius Alex Mason (Austin Pendleton). Mason has invented a new super computer chip and a psycho is out to get it, so the engineer needs someone to look after his two motherless children (played by Raymond O'Connor and Madeline Zima). Reluctantly, Sean agrees, but only because they already have a nanny and his job will be strictly protection. No sooner has he arrived, however, than the nanny quits and Armstrong finds himself babysitting two demons incarnate.
For a movie to rank alongside CHILDREN OF THE CORN 2, it has to be undeniably awful. Few who see MR. NANNY will disagree. Even by the generally low-quality standards of television movies, this film is unacceptable. Watching the whole thing is sort of like being strapped to a chair and forced to watch the worst three re-runs of THREE'S COMPANY in succession.
I'm not going to talk about the plot. It doesn't make any sense, but it probably wasn't intended to. After all, it's nothing but a vehicle to get Hogan into the tutu. Everything that happens before and after that scene is meaningless and nonsensical; you might as well sleep through the rest of the movie - at least your dreams would have a chance of entertaining you.
No one expects Hulk Hogan to act. That's a given. So why does the script burden him with several semi-dramatic scenes? He can't handle them - we know he can't - but he's forced to stumble through them anyway. Watching "the Hulkster" sermonize about family values and the importance of telling your kids that you love them is a truly stomach-churning experience.
No one in this cast can act to save a limb. Sherman Hemsley is still George Jefferson and Austin Pendleton looks like he got lost on the way to a mad scientists' convention. Although Madeline Zima's talents are admittedly limited, she's a cute little girl, and occasionally manages to brighten an otherwise-bleak experience.
Most of the so-called humor in this films comes at the expense of Hogan, as might be expected. He's hit on the head with bowling balls, drenched with water, covered in flour, and electrocuted. Not one of these instances is funny, and it isn't just because of the inept direction of Michael Gottlieb. Such comedy, while once funny with HOME ALONE, has long since worn out its welcome. Here, it's handled in such a pedestrian manner that it comes across with the audible clunk of a standup comic's joke falling flat.
It's hard to convey the barrenness of this motion picture's virtues. The production values are poor, the music score is annoying, the dialogue is stilted and insipid, and the action scenes are shoddily photographed. MR. NANNY never comes close to entertainment, even in the much-publicized tutu scene, which is an anticlimax for anyone who's seen Hogan's Right Guard commercials.
Do whatever is necessary to avoid this movie. If one your children mistakenly believe that this would be a good way to spend an afternoon, offer them anything to change their minds. And if you somehow find yourself in a darkened theater watching the opening credits to MR. NANNY, forget the money you paid, and run for the exits. Perhaps your sanity will be salvageable. The mere fact that I sat through this entire movie is proof that it's already too late for me.
- James Berardinelli (blake7@cc.bellcore.com)
.
The review above was posted to the
rec.arts.movies.reviews newsgroup (de.rec.film.kritiken for German reviews).
The Internet Movie Database accepts no responsibility for the contents of the
review and has no editorial control. Unless stated otherwise, the copyright
belongs to the author.
Please direct comments/criticisms of the review to relevant newsgroups.
Broken URLs inthe reviews are the responsibility of the author.
The formatting of the review is likely to differ from the original due
to ASCII to HTML conversion.
Related links: index of all rec.arts.movies.reviews reviews