Bats A review by Joe Chamberlain
Starring Lou Diamond Phillips; Dina Meyer; Bob Gunton; Leon & Carlos Jacob
Bats isn't exactly a bad horror film if you approach it with the attitude that you aren't about to see anything that you probably haven't already seen a hundred times in other horror films. It has the usual predictable plot and dialogue, along with the usual population of stupid horror film characters. About the only real scary part of this movie is the direction. How Louis Morneau ever got a job directing a film, even a b-grade one like this, is completely beyond my scope of comprehension. At first, the direction was what I would generously call interesting, but it rapidly deteriorated into something worthy of the result that you would get if you gave a monkey on speed a handycam and set him loose. Every time there was some sort of dramatic bat attack -- which was fairly frequent if you haven't already gleaned that from the title -- the camera wold go off on some sort of hyped up whirlwind trip of herky jerky motion. Now the more forgiving in the audience may have attributed this fact to trying to cut down on the gore. Maybe it could even be called a compensation for poor special effects, but I tend to think it was just a director who didn't have a clue what the hell he was doing.
As for the story, it revolves around a small Texas town that is having a little bat problem. Apparently, genetically enhanced flying foxes have escaped from a nearby research lab and have infected the entire bat population in the area. We never quite get an explanation how the other bats are infected or how this infection seems to increase them to double their original size. But you really didn't expect a horror film to make perfect sense did you? It comes down to the beautiful bat expert (Dina Meyer), who teams up with the local sheriff, (Lou Diamond Phillips) to try to rid the town of its bat problem. And just to add to the tension -- as if the cheesy dialogue and plot weren't enough -- they have only a limited time to stop the bats before the military intervenes by bombing the whole area to kingdom come to stop the spread of the nasty winged creatures.
The dialogue in the movie goes something like this. Phillips and Meyer are lifting some crates. She tells him to lift with his legs. He remarks that if his legs looked as good as hers that he would use them more often. While I can't disagree with the sentiment, I have to wonder if some horny junior high student wasn't responsible for some of these winning lines.
Meyer and Phillips are actually two pretty good actors. The problem for each of them has always seemed to be poor career decisions. Phillips has proven his talent in films like Courage Under Fire. Meyer is best known for her work in Starship Troopers, where she was undoubtedly cast as much for her willingness to go topless as anything else. I have no doubt that Meyer, given the right role, would hold up admirably -- this isn't that role. The dialogue and situations aren't quite bad enough as to be embarrassing for the actors, but they come pretty damn close. I'm still trying to figure out why the army was going to blow up half of Texas. I'm sure it was explained, but I was too busy checking out Meyer's ass -- by far the best part of the movie. I'm not even going to get into the holes in the plot wide enough to drive a convoy through, or the music that sounded like it was being played by a drunk using a broken keyboard. Let's just suffice to say that the cleverest part of this movie was the poster.
Do yourself a favor. Wait for this one to come out on video. Better yet, save yourself a couple of bucks and wait for it to show up on cable.
5/10
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