MAGNOLIA: The Really, Really Loud Music of Chance
by Curtis Edmonds -- blueduck@hsbr.org
Magnolia professes to be a movie about coincidence and chance, so I'll give you a coincidence. Saturday evening, a day in the life. Do I go catch the nine o'clock Magnolia showing at the Lincoln 6 or find some other form of harmless entertainment at home?
Then the noise starts. Boom Boom Boom BOOM. Boom Boom Boom BOOM. The noise of my reprobate neighbor playing his stereo too loudly again. All I can hear is the bass line coming right through the wall, but that's enough -- especially because he always plays the same song, with the same monotonous beat. I could bang on his door (yet again) or complain to the apartment complex folks (yet again) or call the cops (which I haven't done yet, but may have to) or go see Magnolia. Magnolia seemed, at the time, to be the lesser of the four evils.
Boy, was I wrong.
Magnolia not only features a scene where a cop is called to check on a noisy neighbor with an overloud stereo (there's your coincidence) but it's got to be a contender for some Worst Use of a Soundtrack Award. Magnolia has the obligatory rock-and-roll soundtrack, played at full screech, of course. That in itself is not so bad, but director Paul Thomas Anderson frequently lets the soundtrack bleed over into the conversation, making the audience strain to understand what's going on. And that wouldn't be so bad without the opera music (inserted, seemingly, to make critics characterize the movie as "operatic"), which is followed by the classical harmonica trio. And that wouldn't be so bad if there wasn't a laughable moment -- straight out of one of those Gap commercials -- where all the characters sing the same song, one after the other. And that wouldn't be so bad... if... if...
If it wasn't for the second-worst thing about Magnolia, which is the incidental music. It's the kind of music we've heard ever since Psycho: the monotonous repeating tones that signal a big emotional climax. Except, in Magnolia, the tones go on for ever... for hours... and overlay overlapping scene after overlapping scene... and don't ever lead to anything. The overall effect is like a trip to the dentist. It's just bad, no two ways about it, and the fact that this endlessly mind-numbing music overlays several equally mind-numbing sequences of boring, overlong exposition. Magnolia explores many types of negative emotion -- hate, resentment, anger, bitterness, guilt -- but I wasn't feeling any of those, just an increasing sense of enervation that bordered on actual physical pain.
The story of Magnolia is a mismatched jumble of seven or eight different stories, like a prime time TV soap opera but less coherent. Magnolia is one of those movies where it's hard to tell the players without a scorecard -- especially because they're introduced quickly, over one of those overloud rock songs I was telling you about -- so here goes:
* Earl Partridge (Jason Robards), television producer with lung cancer * Linda Partridge (Julianne Moore), Earl's wife, dealing with guilt and depression * Phil (Philip Seymour Hoffman), Earl's male nurse * Frank "T.J." Mackey (Tom Cruise), Earl's estranged son and wildly over-the-top misogynistic self-help guru * Jimmy Gator (Philip Baker Hall), host of a game show produced by Earl
* Donnie Smith (William H. Macy), a young contestant on the game show in 1968 * Stanley Spector (Jeremy Blackman), a current game show contestant * Cynthia (Felicity Huffman), game show producer who probably shouldn't be in this list except that you should watch Sports Night and complain when ABC takes it off the air * Claudia Gator (Melora Waters), Jimmy Gator's troubled daughter * Officer Jim (John C. "Chest Rockwell" Reilly), LAPD trooper who tells Claudia to turn her music down and then stays for coffee
You would think that it would take a long time to tell all these stories and find out all the varied ways that people interact with each other, and you would be right. You would think that there would be some good acting with this collection of actors, and you would be right again. And you would also think that this would take less than three hours. You would be wrong.
There are any number of good things to recommend Magnolia, from the lewd, hyperactive antics of Cruise to the gut-wrenching deathbed scene of Robards to the touching way that Hoffman lights Robards's cigarette, to the endearingly goofy way that Reilly talks to himself while he's alone in the police car. The worst thing about Magnolia is that they are spread out over three excruciatingly long hours, and that all these moments take so long to develop.
For example, there's a wonderful scene where Julianne Moore walks into a pharmacy to pick up an armload of prescriptions. The pharmacists are suspicious and let Moore know of their suspicions in an annoying, patronizing manner, causing Moore to scream at them in helpless rage. It's a neat scene, but it's actually three or four tiny scenes that are interspersed with tiny scenes from the other stories. The final effect is similar to reading five different James Patterson books serially, one tiny chapter from one book followed by a chapter from another book, over and over again.
So, is Magnolia worth seeing? I didn't think so, not for awhile, until I remembered another coincidence.
You see, I saw Magnolia on Saturday, January 8, 2000, the same day of the Tennessee Titans - Buffalo Bills playoff game. Both Magnolia and the game ran a little over three hours. The game was mostly dull, a tight defensive struggle, but the Bills managed to score a go-ahead field goal with twenty ticks left on the clock. As the world knows, the Titans took the ensuing kickoff back for the winning score on a completely improbable, unexpected play. The "Music City Miracle", they're calling it in the papers today. That one shattering, heartbreaking play transformed an otherwiseblah game into something that will be remembered for years. And, coincidentally, there is a shattering, completely unexpected moment towards the end of Magnolia that you won't see coming. It's not quite in the same league as a kickoff return for a touchdown, mind you, but it's the most audacious plot twist of the year.
In fact, I enjoyed the ending so much that I'm buying my neighbor a ticket. If nothing else, I may get three hours of peace and quiet for a change.
-- Curtis Edmonds blueduck@hsbr.org
Movie Reviews: http://www.hsbr.org/buzz/reviewer/reviews/bdreviews.html http://www.epinions.com/user-curtisedmonds
"JANUARY 1, 1000: This was the historic day that humanity celebrated the dawn of our current millennium. The occasion was marked by feasting,
dancing, and the public beheading of a whiny, tedious group of people who would not stop insisting that, technically, the new millennium did not begin until January 1, 1001." -- Dave Barry
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