Remember when Robin Williams only wanted to make us laugh? If you're not already nostalgic for those long-gone days, you will be after sitting through "Bicentennial Man," Williams' latest foray into saccharine cinema. Those who weep over phone commercials or get a catch in the throat just thinking about Valentines Day might not mind slogging through this epic tale of a robot's quest to become human. Everyone else will emerge from "Bicentennial" feeling about 200 years older than they were when they went in.
Thanks to vehicles such as "Toys," "Jack," "Jakob the Liar" and last Christmas' "Patch Adams," Williams has now officially become the Emmett Kelly Jr. of 1990s cinema, a clown who won't stop until your chuckles are tinged with tears. The actor who once did such a fine job of straddling the worlds of comedy and drama in "Good Morning Vietnam," "Dead Poets Society" and "The World According to Garp" has almost disappeared completely, and in his place is a hollow, perpetually misty-eyed impostor who's only interested in playing misunderstood saints victimized and persecuted by the cruel, cruel world. At the rate he's going, Williams will soon be starring in "The Michael Jackson Story."
In "Bicentennial," inspired by Isaac Asimov's "The Positronic Man," Williams plays Andrew, an unusually sensitive and sentimental android who starts his life as a servant in the household of Richard Martin (Sam Neill) and his family and eventually embarks on a journey of self-discovery that spans from 2005 to 2205. Director Chris Columbus starts the film off as a corny but watchable sitcom and swings into "Forrest Gump" territory for the slightly more serious middle stretch.
Andrew's fascination with humanity, his talent for woodworking and his appreciation of opera mark him as something more than just a run-of-the-mill robot, but the small-minded folk of the future refuse to accept him as a real man because of his "positronic brain." Can Andrew ever transcend his factory origins and become a real live love machine in time to win the heart of his mortal girlfriend (Embeth Davidtz)? Since Columbus pulls all the stops out in the last 45 minutes, getting to the answer requires swallowing more syrup than you'd find in the best-stocked International House of Pancakes.
"Bicentennial Man" has some sharp special effects, a handful of imaginative fashions of the future and a handful of genuinely funny jokes that are vintage Williams. Unfortunately, Columbus and Williams are so resolutely determined to melt your heart, they finally resort to using the cinematic equivalent of a flame-thrower. The largely undramatic story drags on and on to a foregone conclusion, and the movie's worthwhile moments are quickly forgotten as Williams turns on the waterworks, Davidtz struggles to look longingly into his oozing eyes and Celine Dion (sounding more than a little robotic herself) wails another of her sterile love themes over the closing credits. James Sanford
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