THE THREE MUSKETEERS
A film review by James Berardinelli
Copyright 1993 James Berardinelli
Rating (Linear 0 to 10): 4.1
Date Released: 11/12/93 Running Length: 1:49 Rated: PG (Violence, sexual innuendo)
Starring: Chris O'Donnell, Charlie Sheen, Kiefer Sutherland, Oliver Platt, Tim Curry, Rebecca De Mornay, Gabrielle Anwar Director: Stephen Herek Producers: Joe Roth and Roger Birnbaum Screenplay: David Loughery based (very loosely) on the novel by Alexandre Dumas Music: Michael Kamen Released by Walt Disney Pictures
Upon seeing the print ads and commercials for this movie, it might occur to you that this story has been done before--and you would be absolutely correct. However, never before has David Loughery (the man co-responsible with William Shatner for the execrable STAR TREK V: THE FINAL FRONTIER, a film that many fans of the series disavow) gotten his hands on the material. And after seeing THE THREE MUSKETEERS, it becomes clear why someone should have continued to keep him away. Those who have seen Richard Lester's '70s tongue-in-cheek version of the adventure should avoid this one, lest you feel compelled to hurl popcorn and invectives at the screen.
Young D'Artagnan (Chris O'Donnell) has decided to join the Musketeers, the elite corps of guards charged with the French king's safety. Unfortunately, they have been disbanded by Cardinal Richelieu (Tim Curry) and the best D'Artagnan can manage is helping out a trio of outlawed Musketeers: Aramis (Charlie Sheen), Athos (Kiefer Sutherland), and Porthos (Oliver Platt). Despite Richelieu's decree, they continue to honor their vows to protect King Louis XIII (Hugh O'Connor) and his Austrian queen, Anne (Gabrielle Anwar). When they discover that the Cardinal is plotting against their liege, it's up to them to capture his spy (Rebecca De Mornay) and foil his assassination attempt.
The first indication of trouble with this movie is in the casting. It's not a stroke of brilliance to choose Sheen, Sutherland, and Curry as the triumphant trio (although, to his credit, Sutherland does a credible job as a moody Athos). It's an even worse choice to pick Chris O'Donnell as D'Artagnan, since he seems more concerned about not messing up his perm than in giving a decent accounting of himself. Tim Curry is entirely too feeble to make a credible villain, and Hugh O'Connor's version of King Louis looks like something out of BILL AND TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE.
Two performers are effective, but they're mostly smothered by all the ineptitude around them. Michael Wincott does a marvellous job as the villainous ex-Musketeer Rocheford (and yes, there is a cheesy joke about the name). Gabrielle Anwar, who looked decidedly uncomfortable in FOR LOVE OR MONEY, is more at home in these surroundings. Her role is small, but she's pretty good.
Which is more than can be said about numerous contrived circumstances and lines of dialogue. Is Loughery serious when he expects us to believe that a Musketeer would actually ask, "You got a name, boy?" And how is Richelieu allowed to enter the queen's boudoir unchallenged? Something's rotten in the country of France, and if this script is anything to judge by, perhaps William Shatner is shouldering entirely too much of the blame for the failure of the fifth STAR TREK feature.
THE THREE MUSKETEERS is supposed to be high adventure and, while there are a few nice swordfights, most of the action isn't likely to provoke more than a "ho-hum" reaction. Director Stephen Herek should go back to BILL AND TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE. He obviously doesn't have what it takes here. Of course, it doesn't help that his actors are having a hard time summoning up enthusiasm for their parts.
In much the same way that Kevin Costner's lifeless ROBIN HOOD: PRINCE OF THIEVES butchered the legends of Sherwood Forest, so this film singlehandedly bludgeons THE THREE MUSKETEERS. In this case, it's even worse, though. There, we had Alan Rickman doing a delightful job of chewing on the scenery. Here, Tim Curry manages the dubious distinction of seeming restrained when going over-the-top.
There have been other, better versions of this story. Likewise, all of the principal performers have appeared in projects that put their abilities to better use. If there is a reason to see this movie, it's for the five-minute extended preview of Disney's upcoming THE LION KING (what we see is actually the opening musical number), but such quick satisfaction is hardly value for the dollar.
"All for one, and one for all" may be the motto of the Musketeers, but this latest filmed version of their exploits is all for naught.
- James Berardinelli (blake7@cc.bellcore.com)
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