END OF DAYS **1/2 (out of five stars) A review by Jamey Hughton
Starring-Arnold Schwarzenegger, Gabriel Byrne, Robin Tunney, Kevin Pollack and Rod Steiger Director-Peter Hyams Rated 18A Universal Pictures
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The Austrian accent. The bulging biceps. The memorable punch-lines uttered right before he empties an entire magazine into a swarm of foolish villains. When it comes to pure action satisfaction, Arnold Schwarzenegger is the man of the hour. The imposing star of such blockbuster hits as `Terminator 2: Judgment Day', `Predator' and `True Lies', Arnold has become a reliable synonym for the action genre. Of course, when I say ‘reliable', I'm not including such hazardous bombs as `Jingle All the Way' and the downright humiliating `Batman and Robin'.
In fact, since the fourth sequel in that misbegotten action series, Arnie has taken a leave of absence from the silver screen. Just in time for the year 2000, the millennial thriller `End of Days' marks his delayed return. Here, Schwarzenegger plays struggling ex-cop Jericho Cane (sounds almost.... biblical), who finds himself in the midst of an enormous Satanic dilemma as the new millennium approaches. When I say Satanic, I mean Beelzebub himself - who has arrived in New York City to search for a mortal bride, which will signal the birth of the Anti-Christ and the end of all human existence. All of this must happen in the final hour before the year 2000 - don't ask me why. Ask screenwriter Andrew W. Marlowe (`Air Force One'), who must have been exposed to some mind-altering substance while penning this ridiculous action film.
`End of Days' is a film written with remarkable stupidity. The plot is tied messily together with absurd coincidences and dialogue that seems to be extracted from out-takes of an Ernest movie. Many scenes border on unintentional amusement, and a few shatter that barrier with ease. And yet, there was a moment in `End of Days' when I just gave up on the idiotic script and decided to embrace all of the Satanic shenanigans for simple fun. This moment arrived when Jericho is greeted in his apartment by an uninvited Lucifer, who has taken over the body of a Wall Street banker in his attempt to hunt down the chosen bride. Inhabiting his new body (which, coincidentally, is the wonderful Gabriel Byrne), Satan tries to tempt Arnold with erasing a terrible memory from his past. It's really a terrific scene, giving Byrne the chance to flash his demonic charisma, and offering Satan a few snappy punch-lines (particularly when he claims The Bible is merely an `overblown press kit').
This is Marlowe's one great scene of exchanging dialogue, and from there, `End of Days' never looks back. Taking the ball is director Peter Hyams, who knows how to frame a well-choreographed action sequence to near perfection, and does so in a pair of extravagant scenes that include all the usual Arnold ingredients: rapid gunfire, colossal explosions and lots of physical exertion on the part of the star. The stand-out is probably an impressively mounted and exciting chase on a subway, in which Arnold protects Satan's bride-to-be (Robin Tunney) with the man himself in hot pursuit. Frankly, I am sick and tired of hearing all that crap about Hyams' tendency to be a ‘hack'. The man cannot build characters, and he rarely derives a solid performance out of an actor, but his photography is stylish and his technical approach is often effective. His last film, 1996's creature feature `The Relic', is quite the possibly the most underrated monster movie in recent memory.
Here, Hyams once again teams with special effects guru Stan Winston (who also did creature effects for `The Relic'). Unfortunately, although somewhat nifty, a large portion of the CGI work in `End of Days' is disappointing and choppy. The only truly effective moment is the final showdown in an abandoned church, where Winston's creature effects are put to the test. Arnold himself is not given much room to function with the character of Jericho, although a few amusing one-liners help matters immensely. Playing the wisecracking partner Chicago, Kevin Pollack is used specifically for comic leftovers, but as always, he's a good fellow to have around. The one true performance that warrants a second examination is Gabriel Byrne's, who is smashing fun as Satan's human transport.
I suppose `End of Days', although thoroughly mediocre, is somewhat fun in the end. It's likely to impress Arnold fanatics and action buffs who don't mind the gratuitous gore and insanely moronic screenplay. I enjoyed certain aspects of it - like the scene where Jericho has the living tar beaten out of him by a little old nanny (Mariam Margolyes), which is embarrassing for Arnold despite the fact the nanny is a superpowered minion of Satan. The action was cool. A few of the performances were enjoyable. For a Y2K-based thriller, `End of Days' could have been so much more intelligent and explosive - the showdown of Arnold and Satan should have been classic. As is, it's merely ridiculous, embarrassing fun.
(C) 1999, Jamey Hughton
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