Bicentennial Man (1999)
Robin Williams, Sam Neill, Wendy Crewson, Embeth Davidtz, Oliver Platt, Hallie Kate Eisenberg, Stephen Root, Lynne Thigpen, Bradley Whitford, Kiersten Warren, John Michael Higgins, George D. Wallace. Screenplay by Nicholas Kazan, based on the short story by Isaac Asimov and the novel "The Positronic Man" by Asimov and Robert Silverberg. Directed by Chris Columbus. 131 minutes
Rated PG, 1.5 stars (out of five stars)
Review by Ed Johnson-Ott, NUVO Newsweekly www.nuvo-online.com Archive reviews at http://us.imdb.com/ReviewsBy?Edward+Johnson-Ott
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Following the release of "Patch Adams" last December and this month's "Bicentennial Man," it appears that a new holiday tradition has been established. Here's how it works. Each Christmas season, Robin Williams unveils a new mawkish comedy/drama. Then, writers like me race for our word processors, eager to warn filmgoers that the latest manipulative drivel from the human Care Bear is just as wretched as its predecessors. The tradition is completed when audiences ignore writers like me and flock to their neighborhood theaters, helping the movie make a gazillion dollars. God help us, everyone.
Last year, the gap between reviewers and the general public was so wide that several articles appeared with titles like "Patch Adams: The Critics vs. the Audience." Some argued that reviewers were too cynical and hard-hearted to appreciate the magic of the film. Others stated that general audiences were too easily taken in by Hollywood schlock. My favorite article suggested that the medical comedy/drama received horrible reviews because critics were secretly teaming with HMOs to try and destroy personalized health care.
As in "Patch Adams," Robin Williams spends a lot of "Bicentennial Man" trying to win the hearts of leery, emotionally constricted people. As in "Patch Adams," death features prominently in the movie (nothing says Christmas to me like a tender euthanasia scene). The big difference this time is that the filmmakers' attempts at emotional manipulation are less offensive. Where "Patch Adams" used young chemotherapy patients, a rape victim and others as props for Williams' shtick, "Bicentennial Man" requires the star to cook up his own pathos.
That's not a problem for Robin Williams. In a screenplay based on a couple of Isaac Asimov stories, he plays Andrew, a melancholy robot longing to become human. Apparently, the folks behind this movie never saw an episode of "Star Trek: The Next Generation," where Brent Spiner routinely (and far more credibly) dealt with the same Pinocchio themes as the android crew member, Data.
Following Andrew's purchase by a wealthy Bay Area family, Williams spends the first hour of the movie in full robot drag, and the results are not pretty. To accommodate his middle-age frame, the metallic suit is awfully thick. While most of the suit is silver, portions are copper-colored. From a distance, the copper looks like Caucasian flesh, giving the suit an odd, peek-a-boo appearance. The tacked-on facial features, particularly the eyebrows, resemble a cross between Robin Williams and Mr. Potato Head.
Williams' performance during the first half of the film is as constricted as his outfit. Proper and very deferential ("One wishes only to serve"), he slowly develops a personality, to the delight of owner, Sir (Sam Neill, who gives the film's most interesting performance) and his daughter, Little Miss (Hallie Kate Eisenberg, the girl who lip-syncs in soft drink commercials). Though other family members are less entranced, Sir encourages Andrew to further his personal growth, leading the robot to experiment with humor, which allows Williams a chance to do some stand-up comedy bits.
The can-I-win-over-the-family first hour is dull and remarkably inert. Despite periodic shots of futuristic cities and flying cars, the home segments play merely like a bawdy "Seventh Heaven" episode. When Andrew finally takes off to explore the world and search for "others like myself," things only improve slightly. He eventually meets quirky robotic expert Rupert Burns (Oliver Platt), who helps him in a series of "upgrades." Once Williams finally looks like himself, he goes into that sad, twinkly mode that drives writers like me straight up the wall. Eventually, Andrew returns home to woo Little Miss' granddaughter, Portia (Embeth Davidtz), leading to a sappy "what does it mean to be human" final act.
If any of this sounds intriguing, trust me, it isn't. Director Chris Columbus, the man responsible for "Stepmom," another horribly manipulative touchy-feely movie, tries to make Andrew's quest seem profound, but in Columbus' heavy hands, all the fuss and bother remains maddeningly pedestrian. Rather than epic, the second half of the film is simply dreary and depressing, with the comic moments seeming contrived at best.
While not as awful as "Patch Adams," "Bicentennial Man" is a dour, tepid affair masquerading as an inspirational comedy/drama. Of course, as long as audiences continue to flock to this kind of pabulum, Williams will continue to crank it out. Robin Williams is a talented man in danger of becoming a habitual hack. But you can rescue him from artistic ruin by refusing to shell out money for films like this. Save Robin Williams! Together, we can stage a mass intervention and break this nightmarish holiday tradition! Don't go to "Bicentennial Man!"
Oh, who am I kidding? This dog is going to make a fortune.
© 1999 Ed Johnson-Ott
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